Morons! Morons! Buy two, get one free!

The search for the housemate is not going well. I only had one response to my ad so far - an International Asian student (from Asia, for my slower readers). His name was Joseph, although I doubt that this was his real name. He was swell enough. Sure, his English weren't too swell (lol), but otherwise he just wanted to live closer to university to study and not have to travel the hour to uni as he has to now. Hell, he was practically the Asian version of me. And the bonus was that he was going to install high-speed internet access! Aaahhhh!!!! That's, like, my dreeeaaaam! (Except for finding a nice chap to bunk with, eh? Tehe. No. We'd have to get married first! :o)

Well, it turns out that my other godamn housemates don't like him. One of em hasn't even met him... but... and I quote here... "I don't want Asian people". Yikes!
I got the other girl to meet him, but her response was "he couldn't speak English well enough, how am I supposed to have a conversation with him?"

Godamn, this girl is a moron. Who gives a flying fig that someone can't pronounce some words well enough when the only thing one girl talks about is godamn football anyway, which I don't have one godamn interest in! The other girl doesn't talk anyway (but when she does it is about football! Although her and the other girl are like joint at the godamn c*nt now. Sorry about the language, but it is such a fantasticly correct analogy that I couldn't resist leaving it!)

Anyhow, so now they've put up ads around and they are supposed to have gotten a heap of responses, but so far noone has shown up. I'm getting restless. Someone needs to be in by the next rent date, and I'd rather it was someone I liked rather than another football-obsessed c*nt. (I may as well use the word multiple times in the post now that it's out there)

I'm thinking I should pee on their pillows when they are out... let's drive them out and fill up this house with Asian people! Damn, yeah! And we'll only ever watch football for a split second when we are changing the channel to some documentary on the ABC. And we'll be changing the channel with a calculator / remote control which one of the Asian people will own (I'd assume) which only lets the user tune in TV channels which have documentaries playing. :)

Now, what do I do? Do y'all think I should organize to get Joseph put on the lease behind their backs, despite their godamn 1950-Mississipi reluctance, and see how things pan out? Or do I wait and see what they come up with? Should all housemates get a say in this, even though two of them are godamn morons?

I made a mistake with who I chose in the beginning and this is my karma. Juuuust great.

William John.

So tight it's getting hard to breathe...

I have this system in place to detect when I need to do laundry. It largely revolves around the fact that I have a collection of underwear from all years of my life. Each day I will try and choose the best fit, but day by day the best fit wears down and my underwear gets tighter and tighter. When I reach that white pair with the red and blue stripes from when I was like 12, it is time to do a wash. I am starting to think that I need more underwear, a larger laundry hamper and a maid. Or I could just do the laundry more often. Meh. I'm best to mull over this one.

William John.

Is this a meme...? If so, then "My first meme" is the title of this blog...

Ever been so drunk you blacked out:
Of course not. I'm a good, respectable boy, really I am.

Ever set a body part on fire for amusement:
No... but I once did make a paper boat. I went and found this ant nest in the yard at my Pop's place and gathered them up and put them on this boat. Then I filled up the laundry sink and let them float around for a little while before I set the boat on fire. (I was a kid... :)

Been in a car accident:
No, but I often muse about swerving my car over an enbankment. But I love my car, so I don't.

Been hurt emotionally:
I guess I think about the actions of others' too much, so, yes, I have been hurt emotionally. But if I was more of a man's man and didn't worry and stress and think about other people and the way they treat me too much then I would do ok.

Kept a secret from anyone:
Not from my blog readers. Tehehe.

Had an imaginary friend:
Maybe I'll make one up for my 21st party since I don't have any real friends to invite. I'll call him "Jeddy", methinks.

Wanted to hook up with a friend:
Yes. I think about him practically every day. But, he's not like that. And, even if he were... aaargh... just let it go, Will... let it go...

Cried during a Movie:
Why, sure. But usually I hold em back. I can't really think of a movie in particular, but I was real sore after watching A Love Story. So godamn sad it had me on the brink of crying... I probably did when I had a shower after I watched it for the first time, now that I think of it. I love crying in the shower. :)

Had a crush on a teacher:
I think I have. Can't think of who. No, probably not.

Ever thought an animated character was hot:
Being a sexually-deprived lad it's not hard to be stimulated by one's surrounds. Yes, some cartoons can be hot.

Had a New Kids on the Block tape:
Aren't they called NKOTB now? And, no. I have Country tapes and a Steppenwolf tape in my car.

Kissed Someone:
Actually, or in my dreams? Practically every night if so.

--------------RIGHT NOW-----------

Wearing:
A T-shirt that reads "Coolum Beach, QLD", where my Mother has just bought a house that she saw and wanted. I am wearing some jeans that I bought down on Bridge Rd (a huuuge shopping street in Melbourne) while shopping with Mother. It was at this store with this gay attendant... he kept telling me to turn around so he could check out the "fit". Anyhow, he was a good attendant... but he'd throw this hissy fit about how "you wouldn't get this kind of service in other stores, so you have to buy something". I bought 3 things actually. I was on a high that day.

Thinking about:
A headache is preventing me from thinking. I have just started thinking about food though. Making a tuna sandwich would be good, as I opened a big can yesterday and bought some fresh bread and mayo. I might do that later on.

Listening to now:
(Changes song from Conway Twitty...)
I'm listening to James Carr now... The Dark End Of The Street

----------THE LAST 24 HRS--------

Cried:
No... but I could throw some acid onto my pupils if that would amuse you?

Worn Socks:
I am wearing socks now. I should have pointed this out earlier, but I thought my readers would have the sense to know this. I am also wearing shoes. Blue Colorado's without shoelaces that are getting old now.

--------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------

Yourself:
No. But I'm trying.

Your Friends:
I don't really have friends, per se. I do have acquantainces. I guess I believe in them. Maybe not "Jeddy", though.

Santa Claus:
Do I have to say yes to this in case one day my son (yes, I want some kids someday) has a arctic adventure and then brings back a snowglobe from the North Pole that only he can see the train moving in, unless I answer yes? Then yes. Yes, I do want to see the train moving in the snowglobe.

Tooth Fairy:
I don't want to lose any of my teeth, so in the spirit of not being motivated to lose them... no, I don't believe in the tooth fairy.

Destiny/Fate:
What difference does this make? Is it my destiny to be a loner without a boyfriend? I hate fate.

Ghosts:
Apparitions, yes. They exist.

God/Religion:
There must be some more powerful force that just you or me or Arnie Schwarzenegger out there. And, for the same "snowglobe/train" reason... yes... there is a God, if one day this answer allows me to see a train moving in a slowglobe that my son brings back for me from the North Pole.

---------FRIENDS AND LIFE--------

Do you have a girlfriend/ boy friend:
Why? You know someone?

Like anyone?:
I think it is obvious that I like a lot of people. (Hi, Lubin... Tehehe. No, just kidding. You're a "silver fox". LOL. :)

Who's the loudest out of your friends:
I am over questions about friends... over it completely...

Who's the wierdest out of your friends?
This is no longer funny. "Jeddy" I guess.

Who do you go to for advice:
Mother. The internet. If only there was a mother.com that dished out advice. ;)

What do you think about most when u are offline:
Guys. Loneliness. Adam. Stress. Work. Getting back online.

Who do you cry with:
Myself. I'm one of those single cryers... like those lonely people that sit by themselves at the bar drinking. It's a bad thing, but waddya gonna do?

When you last cried:
When I told Adam my secret. Embarrassed crying mainly, I think.

What's the best feeling in the world:
I'm not sure. I am guessing, however, that it involves two people.

Whats the worst feeling in the world:
When you're walking and you accidently slam your big toe against the coffee table.... and it starts bleeding and you don't cry but you are angry. And, this one time at band camp... ;)

So... that's it. My first meme. I'm going to make that sandwich now. Byyyyye. :)

William John

Elephants fall from trees...

I went back to visit Mother after University on Friday. Short, sweet visits are usually the best deal, otherwise I am running around picking everyone else up because none of my 3 sisters drives. Not that I mind that. All in all, I love driving, and it's always good to lend a helping hand.

Mum insisted that I watch a Rob Schneider movie The Hot Chick. It's hard for me to really get into "stupid" comedy (like that scene where all the Klumps sit around the dinner table farting in The Nutty Professor ... is that funny? I don't understand. Why are people laughing at body emissions as though they were an adequate substitution for good comedic dialogue? Personally, I must be a sleep farter, because I withhold them during the day. Letting one go in the presence of another... well... that's just not on. Oh, the shame of it all. :)

The movie, however, was amusing enough and Rob sure can get into character (This time he swapped bodies with a airy girl in her early twenties). He's just in so much, doing a lot of the same thing though. It's hard for me to get excited about his movies when they come out because he's always pretending to be something out of the ordinary. It gets stale. But I'll still watch the godamn movies and laugh.

Then we watched a bit of The Lion In Winter. We didn't get through it all because it was getting late and the drive home for me is about 40 minutes away. Mum stayed up to watch it and sent me an sms just now, letting me know she enjoyed the movie. I knew she would. It's probably one of my favorite films now. All Shakespearean and all, but so modern that it was captivating. I don't know how they got away with a lot of the lines in that movie ... like when Katharine Hepburn holds a jeweled-necklace to her bosom and says "I'd hang it from my nipples, but I don't want to scare the children". Yikes. The mental imagery is haunting enough.

As I was leaving the house, Mum showed me this sculpture of an elephant with a monkey on it's back she had obtained. She was very excited that it was made out of ivory. And ivory is heavy. Ooooh. I tried explain to her that it wasn't right that someone would kill an elephant for it's ivory to make a sculpture of an ivory elephant. She used the old "the apple already fell" story... "perhaps the elephant was already dead..." LOL. Mum cracks me up sometimes. She didn't go out and buy this item ... it merely fell into her hands. Like an apple. ;)

Anywho... I'm up really late... 'tis past 4am here now... so nighteo all.

William John.

This is not a post...

I know I said I'd post again today... but I can't... no, seriously. I have 10 things to do at once, and I am doing exactly none of them at any given moment. And godamn the moments are flying by, until that moment when you can't put something off any longer. And I don't know where sleep is supposed to fit into my schedule, because I don't think I have the time for that anymore. There's a few interesting facts about sleep that I can spew out at this moment. Like, you will die sooner from not sleeping than you will from not eating. I remember reading a story about a Japanese boy, obsessed with playing his Playstation, who stayed awake a little too long. I wonder what game he was playing... certainly his parents can reap some great advertizing consolation from the makers?

I told one of my friends about my crappy housemate, and her advice was to just treat her like a crappy stained coffee table in the loungeroom that you just put up with because you need a coffee table. The thing is, I made the coffee table we have in the loungeroom, with my own two hands. I know that it is a lousy piece of blasted furniture, but it's sturdy. In fact, I like my coffee table more than I do this girl. It's a great godamn coffee table now that I come to think of it. Fan-godamn-tastic. But it doesn't pay rent. And so my reasoning is foiled. Pfft! If daddy was rich I wouldn't have a problem. And noone mention the words "sugar daddy"! ;)

William John.

Am I the toilet roll...?

I thought I'd let you know that my life isn't all a downfall. There are some good points to waking up each day. For example, I love to laugh. I've become one of those people that laugh so infrequently that, when I do, I appear somewhat manical. My housemate told me this joke when she first moved in:

Q. Why did the toilet-paper roll down the hill?
A. To get to the bottom.

Tehehehe. It's so silly, but it has me in stitches every time I hear it. (Which is everytime I ask her to repeat it, because I have the worst memory. Which is great for jokes and re-watching movies. Its not good for other matters though, like 'what day is it?' etc. Terrible memory. Hey... you wanna hear this joke about a toilet roll...? ;)

Anyhow, that was really corny. Sorry to put you through that. If that is the type of muck I'll be writing in this post, I am best to leave it off here and begin with a new slate tomorrow. Sigh...

William John.

A horizon of statistical normality...

I'm back at the family home for the weekend. "Family home" sounds so prestigious. We live in a terrible, terrible suburb. Well, it's not so bad, but I hate it. There are too many houses, and the whole town looks so cluttered. And the people are ugly. Ugly, ugly people. Sigh...

Anyhow, I've gotten here, to the house, and I just can't stop eating all the chocolate Easter eggs that are sitting in a basket on the bench. But all the name-brand chocolate is wrapped up and I know I shouldn't really open them ... they look so nice in the basket. But the cheap eggs are hurting my teeth. It's a conundrum, and I just don't know what to do about it. Physical pain versus ruining post-Easter Easter aesthetics. It's really odd too, because I really don't eat that much chocolate, but when it is there in bulk, in shiny colorful wrappings, I start losing some control. Oh well, I'm over it. I guess I'm really just going for the chocolate because the milk has gone off on account of my Mother and Stepfather going away on an interstate trip and I can't have cereal. The fridge and pantry are packed otherwise, so I don't know why I am basing my eating habits on the one item that it no good. It's systematic of me, I suppose. (I had to come back home to pick up my car registration papers and to pick up some registered mail ... I ordered 'A Lion In Winter' online, which I've never seen before, and I have to sign for it. I like ordering movies I have vaguely heard about.)

The housemate that pays rent but doesn't actually have a physical presence in the place I rent met up with me the other day. It turns out that he wants to move out. It's just not working for him. Go figure. So now the search begins for a new housemate. I'm thinking tall, blue-eyes, brown-hair, athletic-build, GSOH, no kids ... Mmmm ...

It looks as though I made three wrong choices with who I chose to live with. One girl still doesn't acknowledge me, at all. I even asked her "Is something wrong? You're very quiet." I think she shook her head and replied "Nebrum". That was the only word she spoke to me that day. I'm guessing that it translates to 'I'm an inconsiderate skank that won't waste any effort on you. Thanks for choosing me to live here though'. Juuuust great.

As for the other girl, she's friendly enough. Loud, annoying as hell, but still friendly. I just noticed a facial tick that she has whenever I talk to her. The right corner of her mouth moves up and her right eye half closes every few seconds.

Statistically speaking, I should be coming into contact with someone of some normality sometime soon. Yay. :)

William John.

Da da da-da dum... the ringtone alarm of life...

I changed my mobile phone over today with one that looks more shiny (and thus better). I actually had it sitting around in my room for a while, but never really got around to changing from my old one, which is reliable as hell. I mean, noone really calls anyway, so who really cares what phone I have to not answer calls with. Which is why I never really bothered changing over to this silver, camera-phone with swanky ringtones. Now, instead of waking up to an annoying intermittent, trying-to-explode-my-brain beeping, I can wake up to that tune that goes "Dee da da-da dum... da da-dum, da da dum, da da dum da da-da dum..." You know the one, I'm sure. Christ, I can't do much better than to include the words. Anyhow, I am gonna try it out, and if I wake up tomorrow, then it works, and is an amicable replacement to the old one. I'll be awake and my brain will be intact. Not that it has ever exploded before, but I am best not to tempt fate, knowing my luck.

Sam Cooke is my new taste in music. My taste tends to swing around a lot. At one point, and I can laugh about this now, I was into yodeling. Yodels! Ahehe. Anyhow, Sam Cooke is really great. Listening to "It's a Saturday night and I ain't got nobody" is so apt. Especially on a Saturday night. And, although I still love listening to the Carpenters, it is probably a bit healthier to listen to Sam. I'll even listen to John Denver and Perry Como, happily clicking along. I know there is something wrong with my taste in music... like I should be moving back and forth slowly in an old rocking chair with a stick of buckwheat cane in my mouth while I listen to it... but I don't care. If it makes me smile, it's gotta be good.

I'm starting to hate my new housemates. I'm such a bad judge of character, and it's only taken a few weeks to realize that these people are are my complete opposites - they are idiots. I hardly get a grunt hello from them when I get home, and I am really nice to 'em and all. I have nothing in common with them. They love watching the footy on TV. In fact, these two girls like football so much that they'll watch every game, even if their teams aren't playing! And they scream at the TV! Loudly! (Which is what screaming usually is, by the way). One of 'em wants to work in an administrative role at a footy club, and the other want to be a Federal Policewoman, despite having something called "shin splints", which stops her from being able to run. They are country hicks, as well. They are unsophisticated. I am just angry at myself. Why did I let these people into my life? I have to live a whole year with these morons.

I didn't only choose two girls to live with. I also chose a guy. The only thing is, he doesn't really show up. He pays rent every month and has paid his bond and moved in some furniture... he just doesn't actually live here. I don't know where the hell he is, but I am glad that I am at Uni for so long during the day ... I expect that one day someone will show up at the door and kneecap whoever's at home that doesn't know where to find this mysterious "Brad" guy.

Why didn't I choose three guys to live with? Surely that would've given my a good chance for finding me a man. And I am starting to hate the opposite sex in many ways since having to share a home with them. They are controlling. So godamn controlling it gives me a godamned headache. Is it just me, or are they less friendly and more selfish?

I don't think I could turn back to the days when I thought about females in a sexual context. I'm not sure what happened... my thoughts just did a flip one day, then suddenly women just stoppped playing a role in my nighttime dreaming. I stopped noticing them on the street, and paid more attention to guys. This was a while ago now, I suppose. Probably since I was about 13 or 14. Not that I have found anyone since then, but considering I decreased my options by 50% of the population, I am doing well, right? Please tell me I am, or I'll have some kind of hissy fit, I will. There's so many things I find appealing about them. Everything, really. (I'll go into it all at some point. :)

At one point in my life, I did think being gay was wrong. I shuddered when I thought of two men kissing. It couldn't possibly be right. I couldn't get my head around it at all. Now, I want to be one of the men. I don't know what ticked over in my brain to change my thought processing. I don't know if it will turn out to be good or bad. And it scares me to death. I'll be the joke of my family. But when I find someone, it will be worth it, methinks. It has to be, or I'm screwed...

William John.

I guess it has something to do with the way that I fill out my skin-tight blue jeans...

It has come to my attention (a sentence just open for a whole heap of metaphoric trouble) that other people have been linking to my blog. For instance, traumatised-by-being-30 has me listed under his "some people i'm stalking" section. I wonder how hard it would be to stalk someone that rarely leaves a 2 kilometer radius...? Something else that is perhaps disturbing... TBB30 is a duck. That is, if his profile picture is anything to go by and be believed. So I decided to do a little research on the matter using a little thing called the "internet". Apparently, ducks have a lifespan of between 10 and 15 years, and (allegedly) the oldest duck lived for 25 years. So, no wonder this guy is traumatized. He's a duck and past his basting date. I don't want to dispel the idea that a duck is out there writing a blog. I have a bird back at home and he (or she? What do I know about these matters? Godamn, I should really have paid more attention when I was younger...) is really smart. I haven't seen him pecking at his own poop for a while now in fact. "Traumatized"and "stalking" are two words that I've always wanted to be associated with.

Anyhow, I made out like there were more people linking to me, but I really wouldn't know. I'm not so vain as to point these things out you know. But, to quote that old Mac Davis song...

Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble... when you're perfect in every way...

Even though I know that's not true. :)

William John.