Da da da-da dum... the ringtone alarm of life...

I changed my mobile phone over today with one that looks more shiny (and thus better). I actually had it sitting around in my room for a while, but never really got around to changing from my old one, which is reliable as hell. I mean, noone really calls anyway, so who really cares what phone I have to not answer calls with. Which is why I never really bothered changing over to this silver, camera-phone with swanky ringtones. Now, instead of waking up to an annoying intermittent, trying-to-explode-my-brain beeping, I can wake up to that tune that goes "Dee da da-da dum... da da-dum, da da dum, da da dum da da-da dum..." You know the one, I'm sure. Christ, I can't do much better than to include the words. Anyhow, I am gonna try it out, and if I wake up tomorrow, then it works, and is an amicable replacement to the old one. I'll be awake and my brain will be intact. Not that it has ever exploded before, but I am best not to tempt fate, knowing my luck.

Sam Cooke is my new taste in music. My taste tends to swing around a lot. At one point, and I can laugh about this now, I was into yodeling. Yodels! Ahehe. Anyhow, Sam Cooke is really great. Listening to "It's a Saturday night and I ain't got nobody" is so apt. Especially on a Saturday night. And, although I still love listening to the Carpenters, it is probably a bit healthier to listen to Sam. I'll even listen to John Denver and Perry Como, happily clicking along. I know there is something wrong with my taste in music... like I should be moving back and forth slowly in an old rocking chair with a stick of buckwheat cane in my mouth while I listen to it... but I don't care. If it makes me smile, it's gotta be good.

I'm starting to hate my new housemates. I'm such a bad judge of character, and it's only taken a few weeks to realize that these people are are my complete opposites - they are idiots. I hardly get a grunt hello from them when I get home, and I am really nice to 'em and all. I have nothing in common with them. They love watching the footy on TV. In fact, these two girls like football so much that they'll watch every game, even if their teams aren't playing! And they scream at the TV! Loudly! (Which is what screaming usually is, by the way). One of 'em wants to work in an administrative role at a footy club, and the other want to be a Federal Policewoman, despite having something called "shin splints", which stops her from being able to run. They are country hicks, as well. They are unsophisticated. I am just angry at myself. Why did I let these people into my life? I have to live a whole year with these morons.

I didn't only choose two girls to live with. I also chose a guy. The only thing is, he doesn't really show up. He pays rent every month and has paid his bond and moved in some furniture... he just doesn't actually live here. I don't know where the hell he is, but I am glad that I am at Uni for so long during the day ... I expect that one day someone will show up at the door and kneecap whoever's at home that doesn't know where to find this mysterious "Brad" guy.

Why didn't I choose three guys to live with? Surely that would've given my a good chance for finding me a man. And I am starting to hate the opposite sex in many ways since having to share a home with them. They are controlling. So godamn controlling it gives me a godamned headache. Is it just me, or are they less friendly and more selfish?

I don't think I could turn back to the days when I thought about females in a sexual context. I'm not sure what happened... my thoughts just did a flip one day, then suddenly women just stoppped playing a role in my nighttime dreaming. I stopped noticing them on the street, and paid more attention to guys. This was a while ago now, I suppose. Probably since I was about 13 or 14. Not that I have found anyone since then, but considering I decreased my options by 50% of the population, I am doing well, right? Please tell me I am, or I'll have some kind of hissy fit, I will. There's so many things I find appealing about them. Everything, really. (I'll go into it all at some point. :)

At one point in my life, I did think being gay was wrong. I shuddered when I thought of two men kissing. It couldn't possibly be right. I couldn't get my head around it at all. Now, I want to be one of the men. I don't know what ticked over in my brain to change my thought processing. I don't know if it will turn out to be good or bad. And it scares me to death. I'll be the joke of my family. But when I find someone, it will be worth it, methinks. It has to be, or I'm screwed...

William John.