Ruined...
Yesterday I was forced to tell my Mother that I'm gay. There was no escaping it. She asked me dead out, and I couldn't nod my head any longer.
"Just let me know if I have something to deal with, or if there is nothing to worry about, William."
I apologized. "There is something you have to deal with, Mum."
She looked at me in disbelief. I wonder if she realized how often she'd repeated the question "Are you sure?"... but I seemed well enough aware of it.
We went to McDonalds and pondered the repurcussions over fast food... how come other people knew before she did? have i kissed anyone? do my sisters know? do i know i won't be able to have kids...? no family...? i won't carry on the family name...?
I just sat quietly and took it all in. It all seemed to go well enough. But then you sleep on something and I guess you worry a little more. Today I was greeted with tears.
"You've worked so hard, William. You've done everything right. You've stepped high up on the ladder. Now you're ruined what you've worked for. You've built yourself up just to let yourself down. It's like someone had spilt ink over your record."
That didn't make me feel too swell.
"You're still my boy and I still love you. Even though I still don't believe it."
I kissed her forehead and apologized again. "It will be okay, Mum. Things will work out."
But when I went to leave the house today she broke... "I'm the joke of the family," she said. I told her she wasn't and gave her a hug. Poor mum. I'm sorry. But things will work out... I'm sure of it.
posted by William John @ 1:05 PM
6 Comments:
Thank you Hanuman. She'll be alright, I think. But gone are the hopes. :o(
William John.
well first off, congratulations on getting that off of your chest. secondly, she is wrong.
carry on a family name, hell yes you can.
have a family, why the hell not?
getting married is becoming reality.
adopting kids, surrogate mothers, HUGE! Get the book The Kid by Dan Savage. Great, intelligent, hilarious, informative book.
It sounds like she knew for a long time already and her exclaimation that she is the joke of the family further proves that you being gay is not the disappointment, she has "been a joke" long before this revelation. She can make it out to what she wants it to be, you're a revolutionary, a brilliant guy, great looking, healthy and one of the kindest people I have ever met only through the internet and the one fabulous voicemail.
An ink spot turns brand new shirts into a waste. Add some more and it's chic.
Don't fret, not only could things be worse, they will get better. In the end of it all, you are my best friend in the southern hemisphere and we all love you in the blogosphere!
Hugs!
There is much more to say, perhaps I will setup my Vonage again (moved ya know) and call you!!!
-justin
William I'm so sorry your Mother reacted, and said the things she did when you came Out to her. It's a painful enough situation without the added stress and fear of being told that you have ruined your life.
But your Mother wanted to know, she insisted that you be honest and truthful about your sexuality with her.
This entire post is dripping with sadness and my heart goes out to you in this, your darkest hour indeed. My coming out wasn't nearly as traumatic as this, I am heartbroken for you. I only wish I could offer some words of condolence, a hug, or know the right words to say... but I don't.
Your Mother is important to you in your life, and one day perhaps she will recognize that being gay isn't so bad after all. The sky did not fall, and the Earth is still spinning around the Sun as usual. Don't be so hard on her, one day perhaps the two of you will be strong allys and forge a friendship much closer than you had before while you were in the closet. One day soon, but give it time, and let her absorb the reality that she has a gay son.
She has a wonderful, brite, handsome, talented, and HONEST gay son. What more could she ask for?
Besides, when we get married, we can adopt some grandkids for her :)
I MISS YOU you punk! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!
Much love...
Aw mate, hope you're cool. My mum went ape-shit when I told her at first an all and it did take her a year or so to completely accept it. But now she's cool, she gets on great with my girlfriend and its not even an issue anymore :)
Well you can consider that she thought enough about it to ask you! I think Mom's always know....mine wasn't surprised. We still talk all the time and she has even met a few of my boyfriends.
The biggest thing is she still loves you!
Sorry it didn't go as well as it could have. Mums usually need time to adjust to it. If it's any consolation, my mother's reaction was quite neurotic and insane, but she got over it after a few months and even became an ardent gay rights campaigner for a while. Give her time. Be patient. She'll come through.
Post a Comment
<< Home