A slow-motion world...

I see you... everywhere... everywhere I goooo...

2007-08-02T22:58:00.001+10:00

DSC00015
Originally uploaded by willious

Perhaps it's the recent rain here in Melbourne (well, obviously so!), but I seem to be seeing a lot of rainbows nowadays. They amaze me. You couldn't stop me swinging my car over where it shouldn't be and snapping a picture.

schlomo will-o...

2007-08-02T22:55:00.001+10:00

DSC00010
Originally uploaded by willious

here i am trying to get a picture with a rainbow.. but it must have moved or something, because all I got was a car and some schmo in the forefront. :)

cake take two

2007-08-02T22:52:00.001+10:00

cake take two
Originally uploaded by willious

I tried making the cake again soon after, considering I had all the cream and ingredients laying around... and who knows how long it will be again before I make another cake. Well, it was my father's 53rd birthday, so I decided to give him a nice cake for the party. In hindsight, I should have given him the 'cake ewww' (as shown below), because this one was VERY nice. :)

Cake eww...

2007-08-02T22:50:00.001+10:00

cake eww
Originally uploaded by willious

This is my first attempt at making a hazelnut meringue cake. Now, as a lesson to all you young aspiring chefs --- you must NEVER get any yolk in the meringue! NEVERrrr! Not a speck! Not at atom nor a molecule! Heed my warning! :)

Something is afoot...

2007-08-01T15:56:00.001+10:00

Troy doing CSI
Originally uploaded by willious

Well, here is an update! lol. Huzzah! My boss has gone away to Rhode Island and New York for some science conferences, and Paris for a holiday. And seeing as I've been working so hard of late, she's given me a little time to relax. So I'm sitting at home on a Wednesday afternoon listening to music and contemplating (but not full spirited) doing something more productive. Of course I'll be going in sometimes during the 5 lazy weeks. I have to go in to demonstrate practical classes, and a few other things here and there. If I'm not at work, my friend Kelly gets very bored, so I have to keep her smiling too. :)

Anyway, besides all that, I did recently meet this guy Troy that lives close to me. I see past him wearing face masks and probably being camp, because none of that is important. (Face maks? on a man?! lol. Whatever keeps you young I suppose.)
He's happy, smiles more often than not, and has a squishy body you'd be happy to hug. We first went on a date to a silly doughnut place (that I had to argue with previously because they didn't want to honor a 'free donut' coupon they'd sent out because I was purchasing other items at the same time! Just silly!)

We had some hot chocolate and donuts and talked for a while. I leant in for the kiss as I'm driving him home -- no use dropping him off thinking I only want to be friends -- and it seemed to go off smoothly. Phew. :)

Well, since then I've seen him once more (of which I don't really wish to comment on in any detail.) and will be seeing him again on Friday for dinner at his house. It's just the beginning, but let's see how it goes. :)

William John.

the one on the right is my car...

2007-07-10T23:20:00.001+10:00

the one on the right is my car...
Originally uploaded by willious

it does me well, and i always like when someone gets in and says 'god, you keep it so clean'... :) ... well, I do. :)

You know that I'm not that strong...

2007-07-10T22:11:00.000+10:00

I really don't post here enough. I apologize. Life gets so busy... but that's not the point of blogs. Somehow you're supposed to work around that. It's here for organization of thoughts. And I don't know what I think about anymore. My PhD sort of takes a lot of that away from me. And then there's the little things in life, like waking up and finding a ding in the car. Which really bugs me, because I haven't had the car that long. Ooh... I'll have to work out how to post an image again!

Sigh. But those are all negative. I turned 23 the other day (July 3rd). The big 2 and 3 next to that. It was a good day. The whole family came to a restaurant called Olmecs, which I adore because it makes great hazelnut-flavored hot chocolate. Mm. It's my staple drink for going out. (For my main meal, I had a steak, btw. it was ok too, I suppose. :)

Oh gifts! My twin sister bought me three seasons of the tv show Family Guy, and mum gave me some nice tops. My other two sisters gave me some aftershave lotions... you know, if it weren't for them, I probably would smell. lol. Well, no, I really wouldn't... now that I've taken a shine to body spray. :) Anyway, besides any point. I also received a $100 fuel card. yay. Now, THAT will come in handy. :)

I used to talk to someone on here who had contacted me a while ago while reading my blog; Tony. Sometimes I end up thinking about him, and I'm always in the wrong. Don't worry, if you're reading this, I don't expect it would be the other way around. I suppose sometimes things just fall apart... I get in moods, everyone does when they're stressed. But I've regretted not talking to you since. I hope you have the nerve to say hello to me again, because I'd like that. I'm still the same person (if that's a good thing)... I don't even know if I'm any wiser, but I'd like to think so. I miss hearing about your neices and nephews, and your funny emails that I should have appreciated more, because you went to a hell of a lot of effort with them. Anyhow, that's said.

Well, it's gotten late and I do have to be up earlier. I'll try and update more promptly ! :)

William John.

Kellys Birthday. :)

2007-03-31T10:42:00.000+10:00

2007, March 24th. Kellys Birthday. :)
Originally uploaded by willious.

Well, here is a recent shot of me... this is at my friend Kelly's birthday. I usually don't allow myself to get dragged out of the house, but where the hell is the fun in that? I don't want to be trapped in the house with a trillion germs .. (THEYRE EVERYONE YOU KNOW! AAARRRGH!) hehe. never mind. I'm just being silly. These are some people I met, Candice on the left I've met before... I love her company, she's so enthused by it all. Lindsay is on the right... I'm not sure if I lost him in the beginning when I pointed out that he has a girl name. ;)

Just a little note to say hello...

2007-03-28T21:03:00.000+10:00

Dear God,

It has been so long since my last post, but there have always been moments where I wanted to sit on the computer and write away, releasing all this... explosive heartbeating... that is going on inside my chest.

I don't know where to begin... so little and so much has happened... but if I were to examine my life from a Point A a year ago to Point B today, well, I guess I haven't moved an incredible amount. And that scares me a little. I'm 22 years old now. I still reckon I'm a nice guy, but I might be turning into an old man too quickly.

Well, I finally did have a relationship. It started with this guy Sam. He was a little bit older than I was, about four years. But that's not really a drama. He was an art teacher, a fantastic one if you got to see any of his work. If I could work out how, I'd post this cool picture of my he drew when I fell asleep at his flat one day - it's hanging on my wall now. But it was pretty much doomed to fail right from the outset. Yes, I loved to see him, and I love having the company. Oh, the company. But in the end, I wasn't in love with him. Right from the beginning he said those word 'i love you', and now I realize how shallow they can be. Well, from other people. If I said those words (in the order from left to right!), I'd do it wholeheartedly. He even got to meet my Mother. She was right, he was very girly, lol... but I don't even see some of these things at the time. That doesn't matter. Anyway, I thought everything was going alright, until one day I get a message on my phone 'we need to talk', and then that's that. Wow. So sudden.

"Why?" I ask him.
"I just don't feel like it's going anywhere. You were perfect. You are the perfect boyfriend."
I'm pretty emotional. "Well, is there any way we can fix it?"
"No. I'm sorry, no."

Well, there was nothing that I could do but leave. He said he wanted to be friends, but as of this point in time, I haven't received any call from him. He has some of my things and I have a few of his, so I called him to see if he wanted to come and get them, but he said he didn't have the money for petrol, and I haven't spoken to him since. Well, this is life I suppose.

At the current time, I have met this guy Cal. He's everything I could possibly want in my naive little world. He's not perfect, but I don't see that. But I'm not good at this business, and after our first meet - he just moved to Melbourne from Brisbane, and I picked him up to take him to the cemetary when he messaged me one day to let me know those were his plans for the day. lol. Well, he wanted to check out his great grandfather's grave for his Aunt's genealogy studies. Anyway, we couldn't find the grave, so we went out for lunch. Oh dear, none of this sounds good.

I haven't had much luck keeping him interested, and I don't know what to do. He's obviously out of my range - he's 28, self-proclaimingly unemotional and been through the mill a bit. I'm 22 with emotion and I wouldn't know who to ask for directions to the mill. I'm trying to get him to come out with me to the movies, and... truth be told... I'm just exhausted by it all. Nothing seems to go right and I'm ready to just collapse on the pavement, rain beating down.

I guess the question is, why would you dump someone who you thought was perfect? Well, maybe because they're not. Damnit.

William John.

Sometimes stop...

2006-08-06T09:57:00.000+10:00

This past week hasn't been easy. Watching my grandfather slip away was very hard, and my family is broken by it. We shared a miracle moment at the end, and we'll always have that... his chance and ours, to say goodbye... sas agapo ... for the last time.

Behind it all, things are ugly. My Mother has three brothers - only one of them was there at the end, while the other two stopped in for 10 minute visits every so often. One of these two uncles had my grandfather's house valuated by the realtors practically the following day, perhaps in need of a quick buck? It's funny that he has so much time now, when there's so much of it to spare. How could you be too busy when your Father's breaths are getting shorter and shorter...? When he no longer squeezes your hand, no matter how hard you shake or squeeze it...?

I think it will be a while before my tear ducts are replenished. Tomorrow is the funeral. I took a few items to remember him by... his hat, with his smell (lol) ... his worry beads - God, how he'd just sit there and play with them, how they defined him. I need only to look at the thick orange beads and I'll think of Papou. I hope he's with my Yaya (grandmother) now... I'm sure of it.

William John.

Sometimes...

2006-07-29T01:41:00.000+10:00

My eyes are full of water right now, and it's hard to think. Today my Grandfather had a major stroke and was taken to intensive care. It's so hard seeing someone you love struggling to breathe... to hold on... to pull out the godamn cords that they have stuck everywhere that looked like they were pissing the hell out of him! He can't talk, and half of his body is paralyzed. He can squeeze your hand though. Hard. He's still got some fight left in him, I think. God, he was always so strong. But now he's at the mercy of his surrounds... an oxygen mask... catheter... aargh! I hope my sister makes it down from Queensland in time to see him. They always bonded so well after her car accident. He sat by her bedside everyday. I am going to miss him so much.

"How's the heart, papou?" I'd say. It was part of our routine. (Papou is grandfather in Greek).
He'd look up at me and smile. "Ohhh... about fifty-fifty... sometimes start... sometimes stop..."

I best get some sleep. Like I said, my eyes are water-filled, and I can't think.

William John.

Good and bad days...

2006-06-23T21:20:00.000+10:00

I'm sitting here at the office. It's 9:15pm on a Friday evening, and I have a tremendous headache. The one that pokes into the back of one of your eyes.

When I got into work, I was all set for the day. I'd detect my protein of interest on a nitrocellulose membrane, and then do another assay. Science stuff. But, then, where was my antibody?! Nowhere to be found! I spent half the day looking for it... it was a terrible situation. Eventually, though, it showed up in a place that I would never have placed it. But there it was. In the -80 degrees celcius freezer, ready to roar. Anyhow, the delay is the reason I'm here so late.

Despite the headache, and feeling so down today about potentially losing and having to buy a $570 antibody... the experiment worked!

I consider a bad day when I walk out of this place with no smile, a headache and no results.

A good day is a smile, a headache and a result.

:)

William John.

Don't try and stop me, Shmee...!

2006-06-13T15:51:00.000+10:00

I was so gonna jump... :o)
Originally uploaded by willious.

Here I am next to one of the fords we passed while hiking away. I wanted to be all country-like, so I brought along my country hat and usually wore as much flannel or denim as I could. Needless to say, I stood out like a sore thumb and most of the time my friends were several paces ahead of me... :o)

William John.

Similar to my Mum's name...

2006-06-13T15:47:00.000+10:00

Similar to my Mum's name...
Originally uploaded by willious.

So here I am out in the country. There are more pictures on my flickr page, however one gets into that I don't know. But I'm smiling here, so it must be a good day.

I took a photo next to that sign to show my Mother... she has a very similar first name... if you add an 'i' in there somewhere. ;)

William John.

Electricity, poo and soccer...

2006-06-13T00:05:00.000+10:00

Here I am, 12am, watching Australia play Japan in Frischterfucken, or where ever they play soccer in Germany. I can't say I'm really a big sports fan, and it's hard to be as interested when Japan has already scored a goal and half-time has come and gone. Oh well.

I went away to the countryside for the weekend with a friend from work, Kelly, who was going home to visit her family. Her family's home stands in a valley and is surrounded by mountains. I was in awe. The air, the trees, the snow-capped peaks. It was good to get away from the city and see the other side. We went on some walks and hikes, her mum, me and Kelly... we say the hydroelectricity plant, as well as the place where a 17 year old died because the water swirls like a washing machine and people like to throw themselves in to see if they can get out (which they already were to begin with, so why jump in?), as well as a deer farm and a sewerage farm. (It can't all be roses and candy! :o)

I'll try and post some images of it all, but I'd forgotten my camera at home, and borrowed someone elses, so I'm going to have wait 'til she brings them in.

I started up on another Jeffrey Archer book - Able and Kane - which I love to read in my spare time, which is hard to come by. Though, usually my bookmarks are a neatly folded square of 3-ply toilet paper, which is a dead give-away to where I do my reading. I could probably read Archer from cover to cover. I love his character development. And you never know where it's all going to go until the very end. Ahhh. Good old Jeffrey.

Anyways, it's late, Australia is losing, and this very nice eggplant dip that I got recently is sitting out open. I best put it away. Will write more soon when I'm less tired. Oh AUSTRALIA GOT A GOAL!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHH! YEEHARRRRRRR! Go Australia! :o)

William John.

{Post edit: We WON! Meh! But yay! :o)

$20! You love you long time! ;)

2006-06-01T19:42:00.000+10:00

I went on a date recently. Don't get too proud of me, though: it didn't go that great. I was invited to the "theatre" for what I thought would be a mainstream performance of song and dance, colors and such. But, alas, no. The word theatre can mean other things, especially for arty people, which is what this guy is.

I walked into a darkened room with a bunch of other people, and the door was promptly shut behind us. Good thing, too, because the light would have ruined the ambience. Around the room there was six very large stage boxes, some of them inverted with people standing still on top of them in a flood of spotlight, and others open at the top, with people lying unmoving in them.

I walked around the room, looking at the array of people for a few minutes. The guy didn't seem too interested in staying close, but opted to walk around on his own, leaving me to feel uncomfortable. But, meh.

So, we're all looking at these people, no sound, no light... when suddenly a girl standing on one of the boxes starts... well... what I would call "orgasmasizing", which I understand isn't a real word. Having orgasms over and over every five minutes while making a wheezing sound heee-haaaarrrr in between. Another man standing on another box starts shaking violently and wrenching and contorting his face in horror whilst moving his hands to and fro from his face ever so slowly. The other people spasmed and groaned. I was so very uncomfortably. Apparently this is known as interpretive dance. And, sure, yes, it takes a lot of energy to orgasm over and over (though i'm not too sure about this personally... i'd better do a Google search just to make sure), but was it worth $20? No. No, ma'am, it was not. So, they did their spasms and compulsing for about an hour, then they pushed all the boxes together and all hugged for a few minutes, before one of the people (the girl with a shaved head, thin dress and tattoo of some mysterious Celtic symbol on her inner thigh) started going crazy and pushing people off the stage! Perhaps $20 is worth the price of the story, though... ;)

William John.

How much if I say you're my grandma...?

2006-05-23T22:03:00.000+10:00

I haven't blogged for a while. Maybe it's just that I'm a workaholic and don't really get the time anymore, but to be honest, I do have long showers, so if I just took a little time off showering I could use that time to blog. What an idea! Although, Melbourne is getting really cold, and I do enjoy my showers. Aaargh. What a conundrum. Damn, damn, damn daaaamn.

Besides that, life is much the same. The sun is going up and down... well, at least that's what I observe through the third-storey windows where I work. Oh... oh! The first Saturday's of each month have become exciting for me, because the local old age home has something like a boot sale, where all the old people sell there possessions at RIDICULOUS prices! (I wonder if this is all voluntary...?) I go in there and barter with them... it's great.

"Ten top selling books for $12! That's ludicrous! Give it for ten, or i'll walk...!"

I got some good stuff... they have all these great cookbooks. I even found the same cookbook that my Mother uses; it was such a great find! I also bought all these other ones that I barely look at, but will, at some point. Jewish cooking. The complete book of chicken recipes. Microwave cooking. Tart, pies and pastries. Women's Weekly Australian Chicken. I don't know why I bought this one, seeing I already had the complete book of chicken recipes... I might just compare the spare books to make sure... perhaps I can do that in the time I cut time off from my showers...? lol :)

As for my housemate, I still don't like the guy, but have convinced myself that it will be a good thing if I learn tolerance. Damn. Daaaaamn. The other day I sat in the garage in the dark blaming God for giving me crappy housemates. What a jerk. Aargh. Oops! Sorry! Please don't bring this up when I see you, God! You know I'm good-humored, and it was a harmless comment! Hmm.

Oh God, there's this woman on tv that looks and sounds like a man! Aargh! I supposed I don't have as much to complain about as I though. Imagine... someone has to wake up NEXT to that! Then, this is medical miracles, and the woman DID get bitten by a spider...

Where is my compassion?!

I also finished a book recently. I mention this only because reading books has becomes such a rare thing for me. Anywho, it was "The Fourth Estate" by Jeffrey Archer, who has become one of my favorite authors. I'm sure he's not for everyone, but I love his short stories... how they can enrapture you and make you twist and turn along with the plot. The Fourth Estate followed the lives of two newspaper magnates, and their battle for control of great media empires. It doesn't sound that exciting, but oh dear it was. I hate when a good yarn ends. There is no worse feeling. Oh... perhaps when you step on a snail at night time when it's dark and you can't see, but need to take out the trash. It's probably even worse for the snail... come to think of it...

As for my love life... ohhhh... I have much to offer... but I feel so cliched. A lonely gay guy looking for love. What is the cure to this? The same? Bah! My life moves so slow... I don't want to end up... alone.

Anyhow, I best be off... this is a long post as it is, and so much for y'all to absorb. Most of it is rambling... but in amongst that there is poor punctuation. Enjoy. ;)

William John.

Laughter and anger...

2006-05-02T12:15:00.000+10:00

Hello world! Yay! The Melbourne Comedy Festival is on around this time, and for the first time I took up the opportunity to see one of the acts - Lano and Woodley - before the duo separated. I was all laughs, you couldn't stop me. A lot of the jokes were slapstick and silly... Woodley went on for twenty minutes about "hi guy buy pie bye" (see, they are all different words, but they have the same sound! And, as Woodley told us, if the pie was made of eyes, then you could even say "hi guy buy eye pie bye". Silly. lol.)

At one point, the straight man, Lano, asked the inevitable question: How did we come to this? Out of the blue Woodley gets out his guitar and starts strumming some song about how the universe was created, and how we evolved from a single-cells organisms, followed by his parents meeting up for a sexual encounter, the comedy duo forming and Lano asking him the question. It was grand. ;)

But life is not all laughs in the World of William. We got a new guy in to help supplement the rent. I hate him. I don't exaggerate. I hate everything that he does. I've got that uncomfortable feeling again. And I'm so angry, I just want this guy OUT! He isn't paying the rent. He has absolutely no class. Case in point, I eventually has to tell him to start using the toilet brush. I found myself walking straight out of the toilet at the disgrace of a mess he left for me in the shallow ceramic pit. His excuse was that the bubbles that are created when he flushed the toilet hides the mess so he couldn't see it. Bullshit. Not what I saw. If you had such an event in the toilet, there is no way you'd walk out thinking you had left things as clean as you came in. No f'n way. Aargh. I can't stand his jokes that aren't jokes.

ie.
Him: How was your day?
ME: It was good.
Him: Are you sure it wasn't.... TWO DAYS?! >>insert hysterical laughter here<<

I can't stand listening to him. He blinks too often (some dry eye problem), and he's a loser. But I can't convince the other housemate (who is paying the other guys rent!) that we have to get rid of him. What to do...? :(

William John.

Papa needs a...

2006-04-18T23:35:00.000+10:00

I'm so thirsty right now, but all I have at hand is some cheap, badly-foiled Easter eggs someone gave me. That's ok. I chomp away at what I call "the blue one", but what is really just chocolate. It does nothing for my thirst. I should really get a drink. Meh.

A few things happened to me in the past week that would seem odd. I was walking back to my car at the end of a long, hard day, and lo and behond, behind one of my car tyres, was two $50 notes. I couldn't believe it. Then a few days later, I was walking back to my car on a rainy Melbourne day (my car was on the top level of the multilevel parking) and moaning to myself (since noone else is about when I leave work) about forgetting my iPod earphones in my computer. But as I walked closer to my car, there, in the rain, was a set of iPod earphones. I dried them and tried them out. Ever since, I've been paying close attention in the car park. :)

Then again, I don't know how lucky I could really be, when my car makes an odd clicking sound whenever the wheels turn. I've taken to turning the radio up really loud and not trying to meet eyes with other drivers as they swivel their heads in my direction an traffic lights. :)

Will write more soon.

William John.

Room in Vermont

2006-03-28T13:16:00.000+11:00

Room in Vermont
Originally uploaded by willious.

Well, I haven't posted in such a while. "Someone" requested an sticky beak at my room in the new house, and I am only now happy to comply now that I've figured out a way to post the image past the firewall. Sigh.

Life has been a little bit slow, but still everyday passes quickly and I'm thankful there. Melbourne was host of the 2006 Commonwealth Games (which totally destroyed prime time for me on one of the three good channels on TV). I didn't go to any events, and I was a little sad to not be involved in any of it, so when the closing ceremony was up, and a friend happened to call and wanted to go out to dinner, I suggested we watch the fireworks sitting along the Yarra. So I got myself into it at the last moment. Not that I was adverse to watching the Men's swimming. Yay. :)

Besides that I have began my PhD. It's a long road to hoe, but it should be fun... until it isn't. Meh.

Will write again soon now that I remember how.

William John.

I'm American now... :o)

2006-02-22T14:01:00.000+11:00

I won't prattle on too much, but after after a brief sprint back home, I started renting a new place in a cul-de-sac (did you know the plural is culs-de-sac?! that's rediiiiiculous!) ... with a friend, Rob. I even let him have the big room with the walk in 'robe and en suite on account of him having a girlfriend and probably needing the space more. Hell, I'm just nice. And it's in a 'burb names Vermont. How American! Or wherever Vermont is...

:o)

Will post again soon. Getting the place together at the moment. Take care,

William John.

Cannot predict now... refer to tellie...

2006-02-05T21:00:00.000+11:00

I am very rusty at all this. I'll admit it. There was a scene on 7th Heaven the other day; a young guy goes out with an older woman, and as he turns to leave she asks him for a goodbye kiss.

"This was a ride home," says this strapping lad. "I'm sorry if you thought it was anything more than that."

Damn that show, really. It's all so... eww...

RIGHTEOUS!

*shivers*

But despite the fact that I might despise the show to the point of typing words in capital letters, the guy was right in what he did. He was a good kid. I have to keep myself in more focus, because that's the sort of guy I should be. There are rights and wrongs, and my ability to weed this minefield has me screaming "MY LEGS! MY LEGS! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!!!" as I make my errors and mines go boom. And I can't keep watching 7th Heaven to guide me through life... and I can't blame everything on my magic 8-ball. That just wouldn't be fair.

Anyway, case in point. I met a guy recently, named David. He wasn't perfect. I don't expect anyone (else) to be perfect. In fact, although he was geeky and smug, he was also cute and friendly. In one day I got about 60 text messages from him on my phone. Our first date was to the Melbourne aquarium. They had this big squid on show... it looked fake as all hell. (I want his money back! ;o)

We went and watched Brokenback Mountain and some Seinfeld episodes at his apartment (which he shared with his lesbian sister, for all my lady readers... pre-op or post... ;o)

It was comfortable. But then he told me that we should take it slow, and the text messages trickled down to nothing, and the interest was gone by a rather "platonic" lunch today. Hmm.

I'm trying not to be too phased by this. For some reason, a lot of sad gays have crossed my path recently. Many are young guys who are constantly lonely and horny and completely down on themselves. They reek. I probably do, too, but I'm trying to keep my corny-all-too-righteous-Christian-TV-show-wits about myself.

*William smiles, puts on more aftershave, and shakes magic-8 ball with feisty vigor*

:o)

William John.

Do I have it all wrong...?

2006-01-19T15:49:00.000+11:00

I was going through my undies drawer today and stumbled across a 1938 Australian shilling. If anyone knows how much this is worth, let me know. Personally, just by looking at the thing, I would harbor a guess of one shilling. But that's just me. Anyhow, besides the excavation of my personals drawer, life has been a bit meh recently.

I mean, when your Mother turns to you at random time intervals and says something to the effect of "you know, William... cocksucking isn't much fun. Those things are ugly" ... well, life just blows. But not to the point where I'd do anything to harm myself. My mind never really turns anything out of proportion. I still don't have a partner, though whenever a guy walks by wearing pink spandex shorts, I'll give him the once over. It's just courtesy. (just kidding, though... pink is sooooo last week ... :o)

I will always remain decent. If someone tells me where a beat is, I will quickly forget. There is never any fight going on in my mind of what is right and what is wrong, no matter how often people insist to me that they just need to release some of the "tension". Godamnit ... why the hell did we bother evolving from beasts? See... I was under the impression that being gay was all about collared shirts and fondue sets. Now I just don't know what to think....

:o)

William John.

Ruined...

2006-01-14T13:05:00.000+11:00

Yesterday I was forced to tell my Mother that I'm gay. There was no escaping it. She asked me dead out, and I couldn't nod my head any longer.

"Just let me know if I have something to deal with, or if there is nothing to worry about, William."

I apologized. "There is something you have to deal with, Mum."

She looked at me in disbelief. I wonder if she realized how often she'd repeated the question "Are you sure?"... but I seemed well enough aware of it.

We went to McDonalds and pondered the repurcussions over fast food... how come other people knew before she did? have i kissed anyone? do my sisters know? do i know i won't be able to have kids...? no family...? i won't carry on the family name...?

I just sat quietly and took it all in. It all seemed to go well enough. But then you sleep on something and I guess you worry a little more. Today I was greeted with tears.

"You've worked so hard, William. You've done everything right. You've stepped high up on the ladder. Now you're ruined what you've worked for. You've built yourself up just to let yourself down. It's like someone had spilt ink over your record."

That didn't make me feel too swell.

"You're still my boy and I still love you. Even though I still don't believe it."

I kissed her forehead and apologized again. "It will be okay, Mum. Things will work out."

But when I went to leave the house today she broke... "I'm the joke of the family," she said. I told her she wasn't and gave her a hug. Poor mum. I'm sorry. But things will work out... I'm sure of it.

My 12:12 AM drunken ramblings...

2005-09-11T00:06:00.000+10:00

I'm back home and drunk after going to my sister's bosses son's party. It is hard to type and I'm rather inappropriate and dizzy at this moment (and every wotrd iu have to spellchoeckl, expect tghesem , to prove my point... ) ....

So I best be off to sleep ... this is not the behaviour of a Honors student at all. Sigh...

Drunkeness is the best thing for me right now, as my brain is somewhat exhausted. Nighteo you Princes of Maine, you Kings of New England...

William John.
PS. This is the first time in years. I'm embarrassed in so many respects right now. :o

Inspector Wilseau...

2005-09-05T20:35:00.000+10:00

Years ago I would start conversations that would never culminate in anything. I'd ask people how I'd go about making quick, simple meals. I have to cook for myself, and although I have inherited the want to cook in bulk, as my family requires, it is more advantageous economically to cook only for myself.

One of the responses I would largely get back was to chop up a variety of vegetables, buy some chopped or minced meat and some kind of sauce, and cook it all together in a saucepan. Then throw it on top of rice of something. I tried it today, and it was none too shoddy, let me tell you. And the sense of accomplishment in cooking, there is that, too!

I even have some left over to take into work tomorrow! (which puts the Lean and Easy meal I also bought to shame! SHAME!)

Anyhow, I'm excited about this, because I rarely get the opportunity to cook anymore. I don't feel like my rent covers the kitchen for more time than it takes to cook toast, and I'm always being watched. And, when you have the tendency to accidentally spill drink on you or drop food into your lap, that's not the best thing for your nerves.

I just opened a great shirt that SFL sent me in the mail in this picture. I think he's got my taste down pegged ... but not my size, sadly. :)

And that's the food I spoke of, too! It's nothing to look at, sure.... but the taste, man... the taste...

Oh, and either I am becoming stylish of incredibly complacent, because I appear to be letting my facial hair run wild... now I'm a blond with a 5 o'clock shadow and tight clothes. Seeing a trend, here...? Anyone...? :o)

5 minutes ago: should i be eating a full plate of food over my new shirt?
3 minutes ago: i'm not clumsy and Clouseauesque.
1 minute ago: cleaning up rice and stir fry from my pants and the floor.

Sigh...

William John.

I read on the toilet, btw...

2005-09-03T22:10:00.000+10:00

This Honors thing is hard business, let me tell you. If I worked this much on an actual paying job, I would be violating so many Union policies. I'm there for 15 hour days, there on weekends, and my sanity resides there in a jar of contaminated formaldehyde on a high, wobbly shelf.

Anyhow, I have this constant headache, due perhaps to an overflow of stress and am feeling real miserable. I'm even sad to say that Stalker From London gets to hear less from me as my time becomes more and more constrained... and when we do talk we both sound so sad. I'm just so sorry to him. I don't mean to prioritize... I'm not good at organizational stuff like that anyway... so SFL in not on the bottom of any list. And I hope he understands.

Otherwise, I did get home yesterday to visit Mum. I don't mean to visit her long, but she pulls out all these tricks to make me stay up until it is so late that I'm better off staying over than driving back home. She made me steak with mash. I know you can't imagine or even comprehend... but it was THE BESTEST FLAVOR YOU COULD HAVE EVER HAD! Mmm... the sauce ... the tenderness ... droooool ... hard to believe I even speak of food here ... :)

Then she brought out the cakes ... swirly vanilla with swirls of chocolate and white icing ... a gooey, chocolate mousse-filled muffin-shaped thing ... mmmm...

And then on came the Collateral DVD.

"I'll watch a few minutes, but I've really gotta go," I'll reason with her. But then I get caught up in the plot, and end up staying awake until 3am. That mum of mine. Grrr! Whenever I go there, two days of energy is consumed, and I am left with a droopy head and a full bowel.

Well worth the trip.

William John.

Why are pages 72 and 73 stuck together...?

2005-08-27T23:20:00.000+10:00

For my birthday my Uncle Rob handed me and my twin two books for our birthday; Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ and How to make your wealth.

"One of these books changed my life." Rob proclaimed.

Of course, my Uncle has both wealth and what would appear to be inpecable self confidence. Although it would be nice to think that this Emotional Intelligence book is life altering, my money is on the wealth book for him.

Anyhow, I've started reading Emotional Intelligence (of course, I started not from the beginning, but to what appeared to be a more interesting chapter). I get little chance of reading anymore, so a self-help book is something new for me.

The book challenges:
Just imagine you're four years old, and someone makes the following proposal: If you'll wait until after he runs an errand, you can can two marshmellows for a treat. If you can't wait until then, you can have only one - but you can have it right now.

Thinking back to that age, I remember how terrible my memory is and realize that I am no good at this whole thinking back business. I won't try that again. :)
But all in all, I probably would have waited for both marshmellows. The test is the ultimate battle between impulse and restraint. Those who restrain their self-gratification will reap the rewards, as the story goes. The kids in a real-life test who waited actually lived more productive, self-adjusted lives when older, when compared to those who acted upon impulse. They were better students and more social.
I may not be social. but I am at least a good student. I can't wait until I obtain some four year olds so I can perform this test. Try it out at home, with your kids or those of strangers. If the kid snatches the marshmellow, insist to the parents that the child is evil (but say it "eve-yil" and point at them directly) and that statistics show that they will more or less likely develop into a delinquent.

I think I may start on the 'how to get wealthy' book soon... but meanwhile I am using a chewing gum wrapper as a bookmark for my emotional insecurity bashing book. Go figure.

William John.

Mein Science Kampf...

2005-08-24T21:56:00.000+10:00

Things seem to be going my way in the lab for the time being. I am getting some good data, but there is so much work to be done. I am getting through my lab log book real quick, and I like flipping through it to see how neat it is. Of course, it's the content that counts.

"Glutaredoxin interacts with the atx1 knockout how exactly?"
My Laboratory Log Book.

Anyhow, I planned on making this a longer post, but it is 9:50pm and I think I'm in for an early night to try and shake away my tiredness and the feeling as though I am developing a cold. (which is possible, because practically everyone at the lab has come down with a nice flu that knocks them out for a few days. Grrr. I hope that's not it.)

William John.

186,000 miles a second of atonement...

2005-08-20T11:15:00.000+10:00

"Hello", I answer with a sheepish grin. I know who is on the other end of the line; my stalker from London. We'd organized the call the night before, but it's always a shock to have to open my eyes to try and find the phone.

Every morning God sends this massive wave (or particle field) of light through my window to destroy my eyes. Someone has apparantly ticked him off that I am a heathen and I deserve this kind of shoddy treatment. I shake my fist at the sky.

SFL answers back, in a teletubbie-like manner. "Huuulllloooo". He always says it like that. It makes me smile. I wonder if he says it that way to everyone, or if I'm just special. He proceeds to use words such as "trolleybus", "naff" and phrases like "you're such a wally".

We talk for another hour, until he realizes that it is 1am his time and that if he doesn't go to sleep soon he won't be able to get up in time for a possible porn flick set up; men delivering wares for the pending renovations of his bathroom. Not very romantic, I must admit, but it still works.

I try my best to keep him on the line, but I just can't win. SFL used to run like an energizer battery with only 2 hours sleep. I've tired him out with my incessant "shut up... I'm watching TV" talk. It's a shame that our time zones intersect around prime time, there is so much of (sitcom) life that I have missed out on. Where did Everyone Loves Raymond go? Are those new episodes of Frasier I see on Channel 9? Yes. Yes they are. And this one had Bebe in it, Frasier's evil agent. And Dr. Phil has made a guest appearance.

Anyhow, I have a another phone appointment is only so many hours, so I better get up and get ready for the day and get into the lab. So much time and so little to do. No, scrub that and reverse it. (And you'll have nothing because you scrubbed it. Sigh...)

William John.

Rainy days and blog whores...

2005-08-14T00:02:00.000+10:00

I know that this isn't that important... well, it isn't at all important... but, I was watching Sesame Street the other day and the Count got all the way to number 12 on his organ. It was terribly hard to keep up. I am unsure if I should continue to watch that show without guidance of my calculator. Anyhow, noone at work seemed to care that the day was brought to us by the number 12. Sometimes the people I work with can be such jerks. Maybe if I had of told them in mathematical equation form to see if they could have worked it out? I wonder when the good Count will reach across his expanses and bring a little trigonometry into things. ;)

I've been listening to a lot of Carpenters in recent days. SFL (Stalker From London) sent me a Gold Edition CD (is there any other kind?), and it has become a favorite (albeit forced) at the lab. (Hey, if anyone knows some good "sciency" songs to put on a CD, let me know. I've been meaning to make one, but is all I can come up with is Monster Mash and She Blinded Me With Science ... which makes me think of this girl at Uni who's eyes were badly affected by a concentrated bottle of acid she was handling. She had to run to the eye wash station.)

I wonder if SFL realizes how sad all these songs are? It's miserable weather here in Melbourne... freezing as hell, always raining and cloudy... I'm listening to Karen Carpenter, and my work life is hanging by a thread. A Carpenters CD is practically a jab at my jugular with a pirate sword as I edge further down the plank.

No... just kidding. I love the CD. Jambalaya, crawlfish pie. Cherry gumbo. Pick guitar, frou-frou jar and big-gay-oh. (OK, so I don't know some of the words... but they're nonsensical anyway! I probably did get them right for all I know.

(***Side note: why do my fingers smell like that yellow mustard stuff you put in sandwiches? Well, they don't always, but at this very moment they do. I think it's a mix of a lot of nice smells that have amalgamated into an unpleasant odor. Sigh... Grrr. Not happy Jan.***)

Hey, I just noticed that Hanuman thinks I'm hot. Touché, Hanuman. Touché ... you blog whore. :)

William John.
PS. I do need to update more often. My apologies. Do I get some lenience though for giving you a sweet mention? :o)

Medicate yourself, girl...!

2005-08-07T19:57:00.000+10:00

Life really has become slow motion. In trying to get experiments to work and having them fail, I am constantly looking forward to the weekends... in which I go into the lab and do more work. It is all what I expected, but if only things worked now and then, it would be a little more uplifting. Sigh...

Anyhow, today I found a bag of salted peanuts that someone left lying around, so it wasn't a complete waste. (I'm getting over the whole 'don't eat food you find laying around a microbiology lab' thing that I used to be afflicted with. Are we proud? :o)

Besides that, I've had a little bit of housemate trouble (again!) over the past week. The darling dear who resides in the room next to mine decided to complain to the owner because I talk on the phone too late. I agreed that I would cut back. (Remembering back to some of the smutty conversations SFL and I were involved in, it's not hard to see why she was a little upset... but that doesn't make her actions right, especially when she could just as well have approached me.)

Anyhow, the other day I was talking on the phone at 8:30pm, and this girl (are you technically a girl at 30?) storms into my room, all red faced and upset telling me off for being on the phone and being an inconsiderate jerk. (It's not my job to make sure this girl takes her meds, right?! GRrr!). I tried to talk to her to find out what was wrong but she slammed her door in my face and locked it, not giving me the opportunity. Anyhow, she ended up apologizing a few days later and telling me she 'might move on from the house'. I feel minorly guilty, but not to the point of dissuasion.

Oh, I also got around to washing my new underwear. So white and supportive. Mmm... :o)

William John.

My sink runneth over...

2005-07-31T01:01:00.000+10:00

Now seems like a good time to write a long post... National Lampoon's European Vacation is coming on in a moment, and it is a good flick to have as background sound. It will also provide me with suggestions of activities to do in Europe once I'm over there, although I best attempt my own Bavarian slap dancing moves.

Things are getting deeper with my man over in London. When you open up the mail and a 3-CD box set of John Denver greets you... then you know that it's serious. Because the lyrics of JD are not for the faint hearted. (actually, they are... but when your heart is open to all kinds of suggestion, JD is probably only trumped by Karen Carpenter.)

"Let me drown in your laughter...
let me die in your arms...
let me lay down beside you...
let me always be with you...
come, let me love you...
come, love me again..."

OK... so perhaps the commas were a little misplaced... but surely you get the drift?
I don't really know what a real relationship is like, because I've never been in one. But this is as close as I've come, and I truly want to give it my whole. And, to be totally honest, SFL gives me a godamn hard-on practically every time I talk to him. And sometimes so totally inappropriately that it leaves me truly wondering where my brain is in all this. (No, I won't be taking pictures like that guy in that other blog that I only visit for the articles...)

Not that I am totally into sex and all that. Well, err, I think about that stuff a bit... but the experience of SFL has brought some new terms into my life that send tingles down my spine. Words like 'feltching'... licking in... err... inappropriate places. Not that he's into all that stuff. Christ, I'm screwing this up. Sigh...

Recently at work, I overheard some friends discussing ages of people they would deem appropriate to form a relationship with. Largely, anyone lying within 6 years, give or take, would be OK. Apparently anything further gets disgusting. SFL is not is such a bracket... SFL is a little older than me. I've usually been attracted to guys a little older than myself... more mature... more clean cut and manly. They'd know how to fix a broken sink. I don't. I won't cordone myself off, but it is something to consider. But I am going to need someone should I ever come across a dripping sink... ;o)

So... I did have my hair cut a few days ago. Not that short... because, as I'm told everyday now, I'm perfect and don't need to change. Despite this, I also had my hair blondened a few days afterward. Now I can use words like 'blondened' without a second thought... which I don't seem to have anymore now that I am blonde. :o)

"WJ writing to SFL as a blonde"

I don't do this sort of thing very often, which is why I took it upon myself to make the effort. I was sure that SFL would like it, anyway. He did mention that if I got to the airport as a blonde, the airport security couldn't stop him from jumping my bones. I think I better buy myself a taser gun before I get over there... :o)

(Sigh... I'm finishing up now... the Bavarian slap dancing scene is on. If you have the flick on DVD, then you'd know how long a post takes me to write. I guess I am typing a little slower now that my hair pigmentation has altered. God, that word has so many, like, letters. :o)

William John.

Aroused by envy...

2005-07-25T02:16:00.000+10:00

Myke once wrote
... 'I'm immensely jealous of your ipod mini' ...

I wonder if this upgrades you to envy status...? ;o)

William John.
PS. Am trying to pull a study all-nighter.
These short breaks keep me amused. :o)

My waning creativity...

2005-07-24T23:00:00.000+10:00

For the last two days there have been movies on the telly where Robin Williams plays some kind of twisted guy... and god does he does it well. Good on him for doing these roles. If I had any ability to critique, right about here is where I'd write some interesting, supporting comment. I can just imagine it... they were rich artistic performances, full of nuance...

OK... so I just ripped off the example sentence from dictionary.com's definition of nuance. But I knew of the word before I looked it up. Sigh... do I get no credit? Besides, I only really switched on the TV with an hour left to each movie... aargh... never mind...

I was walking through the shops today and actually remembered to buy coke and, separately, raspberry flavored drink, so that I can mix them. One quart raspberry and three quarts coke. Do you see how creative I am? Ooooh... it's oozing out of me. I should write a book of two-component mixes. I've got a few. Say... coke and orange drink... or coke and coke... aaargh... I've reached my limits now. Sigh... no-one will buy my book. I'll give my directions in life a little more thought, methinks... ;o)

I'm thinking about getting a haircut tomorrow. I had a re-aquiantance with one of my Aunts... Tina, who divorced my uncle Emilio (the blood relative) a few years ago to practice an inner enlightenment fad with her new, less attractive man. He's nice enough, too, don't get me wrong. Just doesn't make for a good photo album. Anyhow, she's a hairdresser and only lives a few blocks away... I'm thinking of using hair dye if she's sparing... I'm not good at haircuts. I mainly just nod whilst the hairdresser cuts away... "you're the expert... do your work..."

I best fall asleep now... or take some kind of low-grade stimulant... the one quarter raspberry and coke also has one quarter less caffeine. (To rectify this aberrance, one more quarter of coke may need to be added. :o)

Ta ta.

William John.

Thank you, you bastard...!

2005-07-18T09:00:00.000+10:00

PS... I forgot to write that I really, really appreciated the effort involved in my SFL getting all those gifts ... hunting down all the websites and posts I've ever made in my life on the internet to find out what I wanted and arrange impossible money transfers with the bank and throw hissy fits, flailing his arms about in frustration while canceling lousy British Telecom subscriptions because they are ripping our relationship off...

THANK YOU!

:o)

William John.
PS. Are you happy now you bastard?!

The twilight side of the hill...

2005-07-14T22:00:00.000+10:00

There was a girl.
There was a boy.
If they had met they might have found a world of joy...
But he lived on the morning side of the mountain.
And she lived on the twilight side of the hill.

They never met, they never kissed.
They will never know what happiness they've missed.
'Cause he lived on the morning side of the mountain...
And she lived on the twilight side of the hill.

That's a Donnie and Marie song... the words are right, except for the girl. And maybe the mountain and hill. The morning versus twilight seems apt enough. Oh, the hill may apply too. We'll see.

There is someone I've met online. Someone that lives in London. I've spoken to him for hours on end over the phone. (And, at about 17% GST, that makes for a costly call). He makes me laugh and feel good and safe. He can make me cry too, though. When me Stalker From London (SFL) discovered that it was my 21st Birthday on July 3rd... he sent me a present... something big. He sent me a card that sings "Happy Birthday" in a British tone. Everytime I am feeling down, I'll open up the card and laugh... I'll hug the vibrating Elmo doll he's sent me. It has a place in my bed and in my car and heart. (SFL is so jealous, and I think he wants to visit the Apothecary and hasten the death of my dear Elmo).

I'll lift up my shirt and smile at the elastic banding of the designer underwear I'm wearing which hugs my butt. We have contact in some way every day. I don't want to hurt him, and he'll do anything to make me happy. I've agreed to meet him at the end of the year sometime. I'll go over to London and he'll show me the time of my life. (Given that I let him watch me sleep now and then. ;)

Anyhow... I did have a birthday recently... but I did NOT get laid. LOL! Shame on y'all for thinking that! I mean, you can all take the images from the photos and imagine me all over you like a monkey on a banana... but other than that, my sex life is less interesting than mitosis (simple cell division). So... what was my birthday like? Well, it was pretty much a family event. We went out to a dinner and show. I got pulled onto stage and made to dress like the cowboy in the Village People. They made me do the Y.M.C.A. and dance along to Macho man. What's that? You want pictures? Meh. Fine! Hold on... I'll go and sort this out and post some... da-deh-da...

Here I am as a cowboy, for all of my Texan readers. Yes. Those are sequents....

This is for everyone that has me on some kind of rotating wallpaper system. God, I am suddenly in awe of reflective surfaces... That's my twin sister, Maria, looking as though she is ready to take a stroll through Central Park. I'd assume that's what you'd look like if you were to stroll through Central Park anyway. :o)

One of my Uncles and his family got me an iPod mini. I didn't tell anyone what SFL got me, but it may have something to do with the tears... god... the emotion in my face in this picture... it kills me everytime I look at it... my Mother had made up this photo album of my life... me and my twin sis growing up... I came to a picture of my Grandmother (who couldn't be there, sadly.... :( ... and broke down. I seem to do that at birthdays. lol.)

William John.

The sky is green, and the grass is blue...

2005-07-07T21:56:00.000+10:00

I am just leaving the blog entries for the moment... as a test to see who remains loyal when my world is devoid of words for a short period of time. Life has gotten so busy, and I have so much I want to talk about, but I cannot at this moment in time. I will leave you with a few words, however nonsensical they may appear ...

Smiling.

Funny feeling a pants.

Mini and not.

Tired.

Happy stress.

Accent.

21st Birthday.

I'll discuss my use of wording some time. But none of the words in these sentences ... they are unimportant ... ignore them ... in fact, don't even read them at all. ;o)

William John.

Not sold in stores...

2005-06-28T23:24:00.000+10:00

I am ashamed. I received more emails from Rik Mayall that I've just read. Every email I read, I readily and automatically place my hand over my mouth in a "oh-my-god-is-this-email-for-me-or-am-I-receiving-someone-else's-email?" manner. Someone I didn't know until a couple of days ago has suddenly become the ambrosia to my mind. I don't want to sound impertinent here, but y'all need to get a Rik Mayall. But you can't have mine, so bugger off.

So, why am I ashamed? Because I am likening him to Drop Dead Fred when, in reality, he is being so absolutely fantastic to me. And from a distance, too. He's in London and I reside in Melbourne. I always think of the worst. I remember once, I was driving along in my car being really careful as I had just gotten my license. Then I started thinking, 'hell, I can be as careful as I want, but a plane can still crash land on me'.

I'm looking up, but I don't see any planes. Fingers crossed that they mind their space. I'm too busy cruisin' to worry.

William John.

Snot Face...!

2005-06-28T23:10:00.000+10:00

I don't want to undermine the value of each word that I place on my blog, for they may mean the world to someone. For example, I have in recent days been... well... somewhat stalked by someone who connects with me. Barrages of emails every day. Mysterious phone calls, specifically timed around the opening and closing bells of the London Stock Exchange. I'll assume such, anyway. I mean, that really has no bearing at all. I'll go out on a limb, but I think that it is Rik Mayall. He's this comedian that played Drop Dead Fred. He certainly sounds like Rik Mayall. Except he'll say things like "Mmm... funny feeling in my pants! Funny feeling in my pants!" when I am merely unbuttoning my shirt while talking over the phone (and loosening my belt buckle). Would Rik say that? I think so.

Now, I know I am naïve. You don't just give out your number to a guy who emails you over the internet. Over the internet, for chrissakes! And you certainly don't give out your address, do you? I mean, seriously? Perhaps I was a little too old when I started getting into computers that my Mother forgot to warn me not to do such things. I feel less than intelligent with my choices. But I don't regret them. And I hope not to. So, Mr. Mayall...

You make me ... so very happy...

I'm so glad... you... came into ... my life...

(and nowhere else... so tough luck! :)

Jewish Elmo: Oy vey! What is that that tickles?...

2005-06-23T19:19:00.000+10:00

There are a few things that I am always pondering. Y'know. Things. Like, how do I know how much conditioner to use? Shampoo lathers up. Conditioner gives me no clues. And how come I've gone through so many years without really using conditioner? Did I buy shampoo and conditioner in a bundle one day, and got hooked? Am I really hooked, even? I'm sure I could give it up. If I ran out, I'd just use shampoo and think nothing of it. Now, 3-ply toilet paper, there's a different matter entirely...

Anyhow, conditioner isn't really the main focus of today's ramblings. I have just been so out of it the past couple of days. I need someone to shake me awake ... "Alice... Alice... wake up... Alice..." (because, obviously, Alice is my name in the real world) so that I can take some aspirin and do some laundry and get on with life... an Alice would know how to do things. Damn my luck...

You said it, Elmo... you said it...

So, I just listened to a recording of a tickle-me-Elmo doll someone sent me... ahaha! You know... things ain't too bad. Elmo can sure place everything into perpective with his vibratory rumblings and 'Oh boy, that tickles!'. Thanks Elmo... (aka SilverB. ;)

William John.

This is not eine booby...

2005-06-19T19:15:00.000+10:00

The other day I returned to University to finish up some late night work, but as I was walking back to my car, I realized that someone had shoved a stick up my exhaust pipe and let down one of my tyres. That was really swell, because I was the center of a lab meeting the next day, and missing out on that sleep really helped. (I called my sister and her boyfriend came and replaced my tyre. I really should man up a little. :)

Anyhow, I decided to join the auto club so that I don't need to get my hands dirty (so ignore that "man up" comment), and did so yesterday. And, as proof of my bad luck, I locked my keys in my car today and had to call them. Am I bad luck? Or is it good luck that I just joined? I'm guessing it is bad luck. Oh well.

So, I got tagged the other day by Rob7543. This is a blog that I very much enjoy reading, much because it fills me with a sense of insouciance, thanks largely to Rob's wit, humor and fantastic music that he makes and posts. (Yeah, so I heard the word insouciance in an episode of Frasier and was waiting to use it. So what?! I can do that, right? In fact, all of my words come from Frasier. ;)

This whole tagging business revolves around me typing out 5 things that makes me less stressed... that relaxes me and makes me feel better about the world. Well, here goes:

1. Finalizing something that has taken forever to complete.
2. Driving to no place in particular and enjoying it all when I get there.
3. Sitting on the steps of Uni as the cold breeze blows and makes me shiver, while everyone else runs away inside like cold, genetically-modified chickens without feathers.
4. Visiting the family after not seeing them for a while. Then it reverses, and not seeing them for a while helps. It's a vicious cycle.
5. Pats pocket holding the number to RACV Auto Club.

I won't go around tagging anyone else. I'm sure everyone is stressed enough with life without having to be tagged. Thanks for thinking of me, though, Rob... you big booby. ;)

William John.

Lollies vs. God...

2005-06-15T18:18:00.000+10:00

Experiment 1:
Eye removal with a 25mL pipette.

I was scrolling through my little blog yesterday and it was starting to look dull. I realized that I needed to put more pictures up, especially for those of you who have me on some kind of rotating wallpaper system (I assume you are out there somewhere... :)

So I was at work today. Another long day, but I am home by 6pm. Phew. But I'm only home to make dinner, then I'm back again. There's a meeting tomorrow where I'm supposed to present all the experiments and stuff that I've done and will be doing and all the results I have. Supposedly informal, but I am quite stressed. Anyhow, that is me in the lab. My first lab picture. I got someone else to take the picture... everyone gets all excited when a camera is in the room.

Why are you taking pictures? they ask.
Because when you're this good looking you should take as many as you can, I respond.

Now, that was just obvious. Like, derrrrr...!

Magical lollies

Everyone sort of knew I was mopey today. They could just feel it. I always make jokes and laugh around, but today I was just feeling very solemn and flooded with work. When I returned to my desk at the end of the day, there was a little surprize waiting for me... a container filled with lollies reading 'These magic lollies will help with your experiments'. Tehe. That's so... cute... fantastic... thoughtful... I am moved. I sure hope they work, because I've just thrown away my rosaries... ;)

William John.

Separate the sorrow... divide and distribute... and take it in a pill form... the william man...the william man can...

2005-06-14T21:53:00.000+10:00

I just want to express my displeasure with life. The past few days have been just crap. I think I might have bipolar disorder, where one pole is crap and the other pole is also crap, just slightly more viscous crap. You know. The bubbly kind that makes that sickly, swirly pop. Anyhow, my work life is just falling apart. I'm not doing as well as I should be, and I am certainly not performing to par. I'm disappointing myself and my supervisor. I'm non-productive and slow, and my shiny veneer is starting to fade and the real me is starting to show. Less shiny and less productive, despite my work days running into nights. I was a cow prod away from breaking down today and weeping in front of everyone.

Anyhow, I'm listening to that old song, the candyman, now. I'm betting I could kill to this.

"Who can make a rainbow...
wrap it in a sigh...
smoke it in the sun and make a groovy lemon pie...
the candyman
the candman can"

Yes. For sure. Especially today. Who is this candyman, and who is he to mess with my emotions and go homogenizing them with rainbows and cotton candy? I hate him. He doesn't know me, and his song is annoying me. Damn. Why do I do this to myself? Each year I strive to make my life a little bit harder for myself, and I have probably stepped over my threshold long ago. And here I am, complaining about it instead of doing something about it.

So, if you hate that song too and you want to kill to it, go right ahead, I'll be waiting. We can dual it out. Seriously.

William John.

A few lesson...

2005-06-11T17:34:00.000+10:00

OK, so it's a Saturday night and I'm in the lab again, John Denver playing quietly in the background (I don't think he had any loud songs anyway...) and me not actually doing any work.
Hmmm. I am spending way too long on these experiments with yeast, and my poor mammalian cells are being so neglected. And so are all of my cells. What did I have for dinner these past few days...? Pizza... shortbread cookies and Mountain Dew... chops with vegies and rice (my housemate offered me this dinner. How nice.). It's no wonder I feel like my brain is shutting down.

But I've learned a few lessons these last few days:

1. Parking under a chirping tree is bound to end in heartache.

Hmmm. Did I say a 'few' lessons? So what! It's been a slow week!

:)

William John.

Pinholes and gum...

2005-06-07T22:10:00.000+10:00

I have so much work to do, and I am the worst person when it comes to doing work. I will procrastinate 'til the last moment, and then some. In fact, I'm doing it this very moment. Only now, I have cable internet as a distraction. Some things just download super fast. Some stuff I just download to see how fast it will come in. Ooooh. 200kbps! Woooow...! How impressive...

So, now I have a 2 gigabyte game downloaded and I realize it is in French and I don't know how to crack it and, even if I did, do I have the time for games? Do I have the time for games presented in a language that I can only interpret from the misguidedness of altavista's babelfish?
No is the answer to that. I do not have time for games. That Will I am, that Will I am. I do not have time for games and Will I am.

Sigh... I think I am going a bit nutty. I've started laughing at nothing in particular.

Oh... I don't think I mentioned what I (may have) done as I was leaving my old place...

My mother, God bless her, kept calling me up insisting that I go out and buy needles to insert into the wires of electrical appliances around the house. The morons go to turn something on and BAM... it short-circuits! Genius! And you won't be able to see the pin at all if you get the right ones. She also kept on telling me to pull out the electrical fuses and just take them with me. God, mum is the best for suggestions.

Anyhow, I didn't do any of that... but, as I was leaving the house, I was just so fed up with these people, with their phone messages and their abusive notes and attitudes that I ... I got a pin ... and I was in the laundry and I had meself one of those moments of brilliance that runs in my family...

I stabbed the pin through the hose connecting the washing machine to the tap. I suppose I wasn't really thinking too swell at the time... I was kind of tired, so you must forgive my next actions. So, as soon as I stabbed this hose, water started squirting out really fast and hitting against the wall and making noise. They were in the house somewhere and I needed to cover it up quick. So I got my chewing gum and tried to plug the hole. Damn, I didn't realize how useless chewing gum was for purposes other than just chewing a piece of malleable plastic. It didn't hold... so I started chewing more gum and kept adding onto the hose trying to cover the hole. Eventually I just ran to my car and quickly drove away.

I don't think vengeance is my forte. It was later pointed out to me that I could just have turned off the tap. Shucks... ;)

William John.

New tastes, but don't mention the war...

2005-06-04T08:50:00.000+10:00

"Have you had lunch?" is how I was greeted as I arrived at the door of my new home yesterday to drop off some boxes. It being 9 0'clock at night, I was rather perplexed.

Ming's dear girlfriend, Annie, corrected him. "Would you like to have dinner with the family?"

Having spent the evening packing, I didn't really fit in much food. Though, I did buy a packet of Smith's Cheese and Onion chips that I snacked on for a few minutes.

"That sounds nice." I replied, and was lead into the kitchen where, what I gathered, lay a 'local traditional winter asian meal' on the table. It was called a 'Hot Pot'. In the center of the table was an electric wok filled with a range of foods and boiling water. Surrounding this was a number of plates holding a range of food, some of which were 'a part of a cow... not sure which part'.
That was fine by me. Probably best not to ask too many questions.

The family kept telling me how intelligent I must be. How nice I am and all. Dear God... I'm expecting some kind of altar in my honor when I go back again today. And I won't be humble about it, either. I want blood sacrifices! ;)

So much warmth, everyone smiling and talking and laughing. It's funny how many laughs my attempts to use chopsticks can get. The whole table watched me every time I tried. The dad thought it was hilarious! (I cried inside at my lack of culture :)

Then dessert came. Something to cool the mouth down, maybe? No. We couldn't have that. The mouth must be kept at 1000 degrees at all times, otherwise it's cheating. It was some kind of plum, date and dragoneye bean soup. Very traditional... I assume.

Ming started calling me little brother in Mandarin... di-di? Gey-gey? Meh... there was a few words going around... I can't be expected to remember them all. I started calling him big brother. I forget how.

May the niceness of these great people never end.

William John.
PS. If you happen to meet them, don't mention Japan! Or Sony! If you happen to have a tamagotchi on you, one of those electronic pets, you're going to have to stop feeding it, too. It's evil. :)

Virage à gauche à l' Red Rooster...

2005-06-02T20:14:00.000+10:00

In a few days I will be moving into a new place. I will be connected to cable internet in my new place. And, with webcams so absolutely cheap, and the space in the room such that the camera will only ever be pointed at the bed, I can amuse y'all with my erratic sleeping patterns. And... if anyone in the house sneaks into my room for some impromptu "uglies-bumping" while I am away, it will also be entertaining... I suppose. And disturbing. And entertaining, too. And informative, even. :)

Anyhow, I won't be getting a webcam. There would be too much resposibility on my head if I had to put on a show all the time.

God, I loved the house I've called home for the past year, but it is time to move on. After all, this morning I woke up to find some friendly vomit dripping from the vanity unit of the bathroom and some mysterious pool of liquid on the floor of the toilet. Chicken left in the fridge is one thing, but I didn't hear anyone complaining about the new guy and his mate urinating on the floor and leaving the stench of their vomit to permeate the air. The new guy even tried to joke to me about it, laughing and all, apologetic. What an idiot. I didn't laugh back.

This will be the last post about them. From Monday, they are just morons in an objective world.

I'm moving just 3 minutes away, but closer to another major road. In fact, I got lost for half an hour because I didn't want to turn my car around and return in the direction I came. So I just went along the new major road in which I would have to get accustomed, and got caught in traffic going the wrong direction. I don't really get stressed when I am driving, but I am terrible when it comes to actually getting anywhere. I just keep driving until I see some landmark. And if it takes half an hour to find a Red Rooster that I just may be familiar with, then so damned well be it!

Sigh... I'll try and learn how to read a map. If only I had someone to buy me one of those luxury cars with GPS satellite navigation. (I know you can buy them separately... but I'd like the car, too. Thank you. :)

William John.

Pay the thunder no mind... listen to the birds...

2005-05-31T17:25:00.000+10:00

Time moves too swiftly for those who wait... and too slowly for those who grieve. Words from my dear Yaya's grave. God, I love her. I know I am neglecting you, dear blog, but business is tough. I have a thesis to write. A thesis! I've never written a thesis before, and already I am screwing it up, getting behind on my deadlines and work.

I will be moving out of the house which I have lived for the past year to move into another place. I refer to it in a context containing a distinct lack of emotion merely because it is just a place. With a bed and a desk. And CABLE internet. The handsome folks didn't call me back, and I can't sit on my hands anymore. The place is cheap, and it is a place to sleep. In some ways, it is fantastic. In other ways, it is lousy. One thing is that I could only really fit a single bed in there. Perhaps I am digging my own holes? And the house is crowded. It contains a piece of a family and some other students. My reasoning here, though, is that home is just a place to hang your hat. And I found my favorite hat so it all seems to fit together. (The hat was once owned by a guy that liked my baby sister... my twin sister, rather... and he gave it to her and I took it 'cause I wanted it... it's red... :)

I also told the gas and electricity to cut off our utilities on Friday. I told the other housemates I did this on Wednesday (in a note!) and that they should get along as soon as possible and arrange these utilities to be reconnect. Golly, I hope they do it today, because the company requires 3 whole days to organize someone to come over. What a shame it will be if they wake up electricity- and gas-less over the weekend. Perhaps I should have included such detail in my note? Oh dear me. :)

I had a good day today... I went to the beach and sat there eating chips with some friends ... and I was feeding these seagulls and crows... and then they started attacking me, and I ended up throwing my souvlaki at them and flipping over all my chips and running to the awaiting car! I got garlic sauce all over my pants. 'Twas a good day. :)

William John.

Splash! Look mummy... I'm wet...!

2005-05-26T20:00:00.000+10:00

I don’t want to jump right into a puddle immediately… but exactly where does one go to meet someone of the same sex? (Of course, I mean to imply that it will be us that will also be having the same sex … simultaneously, I mean.)

I can’t help but notice that I am getting quite a bit of attention by femmes recently. And I can’t understand it. They hadn’t taken notice when they had their chance, now they are just patronizing me. Poking the bear. And in the wrong spot, too.

Yesterday I put up an online ad to try and find someone to replace me in this godamn place I live in that smells much too fishy for my tastes, and I already received a call. But it turns out that the girl wasn’t really interested in the room at all. She just wanted someone to talk to. It was all quite sad, really… the saddest conversation I’ve ever had. And I don’t have enough emotion to deal with other people and their problems. I really don’t. Is that a flaw?

Anyhow, this girl, Helena, rang me up and told me about her life this past year… how her world had fallen apart when her father had a major heart attack and died on New Years Day. She got really depressed, during which time her boyfriend cheated on her. Her mother has found someone else to marry now, and he’s been using the aftershave poor Helena gave to her father on Father’s Day. To add to the trouble, Helena has found herself a man on the side. And she wants to move out of her home. With me. She said I sounded really nice… a rarity… and that she wanted us to move in together. Find a place or something. This was just from talking with me on the phone. She was practically crying when she said it, though, so I am unsure if I am really nice all the time, or only at the lowest points of the life of a stranger conversing with me for the first time in a non-intimate medium…

Besides that, it was some kind of queer week this week at Uni. I didn’t really take part… but some guy came up to me and gave me some free fruit. I love free fruit. It was a manderin. So, now I guess I’m part of the scene, huh…?

William John.

One hit for Manuel... one for me...

2005-05-25T00:52:00.000+10:00

Walters or Kazha? From Latvia. Mmm.

The place that I'm looking at has some great features... mainly, a guy that looks like a singer representing Latvia at Eurovision this year. Mmmm. Godamn. Oops. I shouldn't say that... you never know "Who" may be listening, if you know what I mean....

But, I haven't heard back from them. I don't want to seem desperate and eager... but I am... I will call them tomorrow... and will refrain from admitting my resplendent undying love... if I can refrain myself.

Well, this is not in all true. I sent one of them a message to say "so, can I come over now and meet the other guy", and I received a reply that read "yeah, sure... come over now" ... and here is where it all gets screwy.

I thought I replied to Him (He deserves capitals, too, doesn't He...?) "OK, will be there in 20 minutes" ... but it turns out I sent that message to the wrong person. So there I was, driving 30 in the pouring rain at 10pm... so very close to the house... when I received a message: "you haven't replied that you are coming up... we are going to bed... we will reschedule..." Ouch.

And I was there... and I don't think that they were really in bed... the lights looked on, they were just annoyed that I'd just show up without warning. (I sent them a message saying how close I was...) I reckon this is why I haven't heard more from them. I'm not mature enough for them... :(

Damn, my life is like a stupid sitcom with damn misunderstandings every day... now... to hang this moose head on the wall with ease and to hit my Spanish butler over the head with something metallic... :)

William John.

So, can the shower fit 3 people...?

2005-05-21T21:30:00.000+10:00

I went to see two places today in search of my new home. The first place has two 20 year old guys. I am 20. They are 20. I'm a guy. They are guys. And, the one I met was soooome guy, let me tell you. He was godamn handsome. I'm not kidding. The house was so godamn neat. These people are neat freaks. I love it! Aha! Of course, the place is out of my way, triples my travel time, and is almost 25% more expensive than the place I'm in at the moment... but ... the guys there are workaholics, neat freaks, my age and handsome. Why not move confidently into their midst?

Anyhow, I hope they choose me. I haven't met one of them yet, and will probably do so on Monday. Godamn, I am way too busy for all this, so I hope to God that it works out.

The other guy I saw was OK too. An oldish sort of guy. Very weird... kept stroking his cat. Loves sci-fi. I'd just as well fit in there, too, but the place wasn't very great (he called himself a clean freak, but the chores roster was done every 3 weeks, and the room was small and lousy. 'Tis sad, because we got along so well, I know he's gonna ring me up on Monday.)

Oh, another thing... the handsome guys (I assume the other one is handsome... they both go to the gym, drink skim milk and have those happy round cheeks) ... their house doesn't have a phone line. So I'll have to post from Uni if I have to. And I'm already so slack in posting as it is! :(

William John.

I've sewed the shirt into my skin...

2005-05-21T00:46:00.000+10:00

I went home and got my Colorado top back from my sister, who had stolen it for weeks. It's this blue jumper that a Harvard student would wear. I'm guessing that they would anyway. At least, that's what I'm going for. Besides that, I got mum to make me a roast... and godamn was it good. My stomach is more filled up than it has been for ages.

Y'know... I took a picture of myself shirtless to post. You people are nuts. But there are two problems with this. One is, that I am very thin and look like crap. I wouldn't want to see me shirtless, which is why noone has seen me without a shirt for many years now. I turn away at reflections in the mirror before I go in the shower. And, also, I don't have the best chest. By this, and I'm serious, it has developed wrong. In a bad shape and all. One more reason to cover up. It's terrible.

Anyhow. Noone has seen me shirtless for years. And there I was taking a picture for y'all. I took it and all... but couldn't bring myself to post it. I guess it's one step forward, though. But, honestly, I can't do it. I can't post it. And it would be silly to as well... you bunch of perves. Lol. Let's see you all shirtless and I'll reconsider. :)

I think I'm gonna move also. I'm at the end of my tether with these morons. So soon enough you may not get all the wonderful stories of how these people are cancers on my soul. ;)

William John.

I.... am not an animal... I'm a Sprengel...

2005-05-16T23:00:00.000+10:00

I am not a beast. I have the amount of hair I need which is proportional to my manliness. I need it so that when I find someone they can stroke it and play with it and comb it. It will one day have a purpose.

[Hermann Johann Philipp Sprengel]
(1834-1906)

However. However! In no way can I say that all of my hair adds to the cuteness which one may perceive in my other pictures. Which is why I will not be taking a picture of myself without being covered in garments! Seriously!

Firstly (and lastly as well)... I do have some buttock hair... it's swirly and largely resembles the timely moustache of the late Hermann Johann Philipp Sprengel, who invented a new type of vacuum tube in 1865 and devised the U-tube method for comparing liquid densities. But that's besides the point. You do NOT want to see me nude. Seriously... ;)

William John.

The yelling match...

2005-05-15T19:55:00.000+10:00

When one of the girls came home I told her straight away what I thought; they were both being immature, unfriendly and uncool. She sat there and took it. Before I began, though, she made the comment "Aren't you gonna wait for Jess to come home?"
It was obvious from there that Jess was the spanner in the works. That she would make the most noise when belted with words. And, by God, she was ready for it. Like a tigress, she had stored it all up. Everything that I had done that had ticked her off for the past 3 months all came out.

Luckily, a life of having 3 sisters had prepared me for this day, and I was set to give some back. We had a yelling match for 15 minutes, me and this housemate. It ended up with a few comprimizes. I probably lost in many ways, but I let them know that they hadn't the right to handle all my stuff and move things around and that this wasn't how people lived. And that I have some balls and if you mess with em they'll swing around and hit you in the godamn face and knock you out!

If they wanted to live in a sharehouse, they had to be social... or at least pretend to be. Anyhow, it all seemed to end alright. They (or at least Jess... Kendall was rather morose at the time, eyes flicking back and forth between us two as though she were watching a game of tennis) agreed to some of my thoughts and I agreed to some of what they said. It ended with enough smiling to be unorthodoxly comfortable, but I suppose that tomorrow is where the true answers lie.

;)

William John.
PS. They made some comment about hair in the bathroom after I finish. I don't know where this is coming from, I'm not extensive on body hair. Anyhow, I'll humor them and look to see exactly what a beast I am. I'm blaming in on a new towel, personally. I did notice a lot of blue pieces falling off of it, but didn't think that washing them away after I got out was necessary - Melbourne is in water restrictions after all. And I don't have blue hair either. :)

The Chickengate Drumstick Scandal...

2005-05-15T10:20:00.000+10:00

Two days ago I awoke to find a note on the kitchen bench from one of my housemates, Kendall, letting me know that the fridge stinks, and that the offending odor, by her expert analyses, was coming from some chicken drumsticks that I'd thawed just days earlier and some containers of food I'd had in there. So I threw away the containers, but the chicken did not smell at all. So I left it. The next day, the note was amended. "The fridge STILL stinks. If you don't throw away the chicken, WE will." The use of the word we scares me. I think Kendall may have some kind of sybiont being living inside of her. Perhaps a few of them, all with obsessive compulsive disorders of their own.

Anyhow, so I wrote a note back reading that the chicken was not in the fridge very long and that maybe it is the off tomatoes in Kendall's shelf, and also to stop throwing my stuff away.

The same night I notice a full page note there. I glance at it, realize that it's just going to give me a headache, and go to a party instead. (See, I am socializing now! I'll tell you about it later... :)
They are sitting in the room as they expect me to read it. These people are the most immature I have ever had the displeasure to know. Why don't they just summarize it for me in a couple of words?

And here is what that lover-ly note read, word by word...

'
William,

I suggest you have another look. Their are several items of yours clearly off. The chicken was thawed out a week ago, if you knew common food safety you would know, once you use a product you have thawed, the maximum they last is 2 days. "Smell it" - it's off, your eggs are rotten, your sour cream if off and the list goes on. In reference to Kendall's tomatoes - SMELL THEM before naming them, they have no smell. In reference to "Throwing out YOUR STUFF". LOL. Don't you mean the previous tenants stuff. Not one item that we have thrown out has not been was passed it's used by date or empty. So that is just a joke.
'

This letter was obvious written by one of the symbionts... or my other housemate, Jess, an obvious mental cuntface. It is an obvious work of art. A coup de grace of note writing. The girl is the next Loius Pasteur, perhaps. (They don't know who he is... I asked once. They didn't care.). Her insight into the on and off states of foods are remarkable. I especially appreciate her science experiment where she stores her margarine in the pantry. How she throws away items by used by date without knowing anything about them. Baking Soda sure can go off. Whoa, lucky we got rid of that one. Whoo-hoo. Good on you, Loius No. 2.

Are these people for real? I am at home less than 10% of every day, but these two are bitching and moaning like I am leaving vaginal discharge pellets on the toilet seat. And that is a mere impossibility. But if it does occur, I'm sure I'll be receiving a rather insightful note by Louis No. 2. Yay...

William John.

Hello Darling, bist Du da? Sag ich so wie jedesmal...

2005-05-09T23:00:00.000+10:00

My head is throbbing. I stare into blank spare and breathe in and out, focusing on nothing in particular, but remaining content nonetheless. Happy not to have to think. To not have to be stressed or be worried. I'm home now, playing my music up loud... the only impact I seem to have on the house that I rent anymore. There are now Cleo pictures of half-naked men and women adorning the walls of the toilet and loungeroom. I'd lie if I said I didn't look at gay "art" (aka porn) on occasion. Is the loo the place for that kind of thing? What does one do to make one's point clear? Leave some come smeared all over one of the pictures? The one of the man? ;)

The girls don't talk to me, and I don't waste the time on them. Words wasted, in my opinion. I can only even muster a "hi" now. No eye contact. I am thinking of moving out. On one hand, I don't want to let them get the best of me. They were idiots when I chose them, and it's not their faults that they don't have the vocation I have. Or any vocation, come to think of it. Shame. On the other hand, most of the furniture is mine, and they'd have to replace it all. Me leaving might hit em a bit. I'm sure they'd shrug it off pretty quick, and congratulate one another over McDonalds and cheap beer.

Anyhow, I don't know why I am thinking of this. I am too busy to move. And I love this house. This isn't the first I've been in, but I'd hoped it would be the last that I'd have to stay in for the purposes of being close to Uni. I've even got the best room since the last people left. All closed off here on the side, with a pull-down window shade outside and a mirrored-wardrobe that makes a heck of noise when one tries to open it... makes me shriek every time I open or close it...

There's a new guy in the house now, to add to my woes. He's a Sri Lankan guy, thin and large cranium-ed. He makes that motion that rapper's make with his hands. How this guy got through the other housemates racial filter I'll never know. I think it might have something to do with the nice car that he drives. Oh, it's not that nice... and I'm not really into cars. Sure, if one has a nice arctic blue BMW, I'd swoon. But otherwise, I don't get impressed very much. He's nice enough. Even offered me some of this godamn pizza that he'd bought. But I am in the process of ignoring the other two in such an obvious manner that I couldn't join everyone. It's the principle of the thing.
He even shakes my hand hello. But only after he does that rapper hand motion. You know the one... hold the hand open-palmed around the chest area and then swoop down and forward. What is that all about? Do I respond with "Wassup homie?"

Anyhow, I don't know how effective my loud-music playing is going. I don't have songs that rock the house. Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman singing 'Time to say Goodbye' isn't something one can head bang to. I'm sure it is having no effect at all, but it gives me something to do. Chances are foreign languages scare them. Good. I think I have some French songs on here, too. I'll have to get some German as well. I know I had the German version of 'Mandy' on a CD somewhere...

Oh Mandy, bist Du wirklich am Ende gegangen,
um für immer zu geh'n...?

Oh Mandy, konntest Du's mir nicht wenigstens sagen?
Sowas hilft zu verstehen.
Ooooohh Mandy.

:)

I promised myself an early night, and it has rolled onto quarter to ten already. I didn't get home until past 7pm and I'm a little weary. The phone line is being used up again by the skank, damnit, so I'll just save this and post it tomorrow. (She got off eventually... so I'm doing it tonight! :)

Hey, I just went into the loungeroom. My music is waaaay loud. They even had to close a door to try and block out Van Morrison, but I've turned up the bass to as high as it can go, and there is no escaping it. BWahahahaha! A small victory! I think I'll end off the night with John Lennon's 'Mind Games'... ;)

William John.

Chrysanthemums don't have any smell... or my nose may be blocked...

2005-05-09T09:22:00.000+10:00

Although I am not financial enough to show my Mum a real time and shower her with big gifts, that probably isn't really the point of Mother's Day, eh?

So I bought her some chrysanthemums (yes, I looked it up on an online dictionary) and didn't put up a fight when she asked me to dance when the whole family went out to dinner. God, I can't move very well. ;)

There was this singer there that looked like Pavarotti, and he sang some opera and a lot "this one is dedicated to all the Mothers in the room" songs. When he finished, I complimented him, and he was surprized that I'd even appreciate such outdated music.

Anyhow, I would have liked to have made this a longer post, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut it short. I just got into the lab (I would have posted from home, but one of my skanky housemates was hogging up the phone line!) and I have to start a procedure for examining the protein content inside of yeast cells. Will try and get on again later tonight. :)

William John.

Another spin around the sun, another lie...

2005-05-02T23:53:00.000+10:00

I remember watching this episode of Mad About You where Jamie and Paul go to this spa, or something like that, and they start telling everyone lies. It's their own little game, and they really get into it. The only thing is, the people start catching on, and they all start thinking that Paul is a liar, but that Jamie is completely truthful. She ends up telling everyone that Paul is a compulsive liar. Tehehe.

So, anyway, I was feeling a little bored last week, so when the opportunity presented itself, I told a wee little lie. Kendall, the housemate in the picture above (with a face that looks like hands) was wondering where I was going one night. So I just told her that I was going to visit my girlfriend. Of course, I was just going to Uni for some late night work, but that is so disinteresting, and I do have a blog to think of, now, don't I? Now I am left wondering if that was the best lie I could have told. She keeps pressing for her name and details, and I really can't be bothered. I don't know why I would even bother lying about such a thing. I couldn't give a damn what my housemates think, really. But I did like telling a lie. :)

Now, I know what you're all thinking... I'm a sad dork from right out of that Janis Ian song, At Seventeen. It's probably true. And I'm sorry I did it, now... of course... I'm NOT 17, so I can tell all the lies I godamn want to! ;)

'And those of us with ravaged faces, lacking in the social graces... desperately remained at home... inventing lovers on the phone... who called to say, "come dance with me"... and murmured vague obscenities...'

Anyhow, I am so unshaven in that picture. I don't know why I am posting it... a little bit of adornment, I suppose. Not worthy of wallpaper, though, so keep the other one of me that you have there. :)

William John.

A dork, drunk on lemonade...

2005-05-02T23:51:00.000+10:00

You would not believe what I did today! I went trampolining. Apparently, at Sports Centers, they have room with trampolines built into the floors. You just jump up and down. I think it could just be for kids, but I still have the ability to jump up and down, so it must be for me, too.

There's this girl that I work with at Uni, Kelly, who is in some kind of dorky club. But I've seen some pictures that she takes of all the people, and it looks kind of fun. The people look fun. I could never get as drunk as some of the stories she tells, but I'm willing to try and socialize. Which is why I decided to join Kelly and her friends in her dorky activity. There are rumors going around Uni that I like her, but I am just over-friendly, I suppose.

Anyhow, she took a picture of me there, but I was making a monkey face, so I deleted it when she wasn't looking. I haven't shaved for a few days either, so I looked like a bum. I don't know why I decided to go. I guess I just didn't want to sit around the house like I always do. There is a lot of research and reading I should probably be doing, but I never really get around to it. Then I went back to her place and sat with her housemates watching Desperate Housewives. I think I overstayed my welcome, but I didn't want to leave and miss any. It's the only show I tend to give a damn about nowadays. (Although I love Frasier, and download Millennium, Family Guy and South Park episodes onto my computer... albeit really slowly. :)

The dork club is going for some kind of pub crawl in the next few days and I am thinking of going. I've never really been on one before. We'll see, anyway... I'm not much of a drinker. I'm already clumsy enough, and it doesn't take much to make me get silly. Once, my friend gave me lemonade and I assumed that it was some kind of alcoholic beverage. I started acting all silly. It really doesn't take much...

William John.

Morons! Morons! Buy two, get one free!

2005-04-26T21:48:00.000+10:00

The search for the housemate is not going well. I only had one response to my ad so far - an International Asian student (from Asia, for my slower readers). His name was Joseph, although I doubt that this was his real name. He was swell enough. Sure, his English weren't too swell (lol), but otherwise he just wanted to live closer to university to study and not have to travel the hour to uni as he has to now. Hell, he was practically the Asian version of me. And the bonus was that he was going to install high-speed internet access! Aaahhhh!!!! That's, like, my dreeeaaaam! (Except for finding a nice chap to bunk with, eh? Tehe. No. We'd have to get married first! :o)

Well, it turns out that my other godamn housemates don't like him. One of em hasn't even met him... but... and I quote here... "I don't want Asian people". Yikes!
I got the other girl to meet him, but her response was "he couldn't speak English well enough, how am I supposed to have a conversation with him?"

Godamn, this girl is a moron. Who gives a flying fig that someone can't pronounce some words well enough when the only thing one girl talks about is godamn football anyway, which I don't have one godamn interest in! The other girl doesn't talk anyway (but when she does it is about football! Although her and the other girl are like joint at the godamn c*nt now. Sorry about the language, but it is such a fantasticly correct analogy that I couldn't resist leaving it!)

Anyhow, so now they've put up ads around and they are supposed to have gotten a heap of responses, but so far noone has shown up. I'm getting restless. Someone needs to be in by the next rent date, and I'd rather it was someone I liked rather than another football-obsessed c*nt. (I may as well use the word multiple times in the post now that it's out there)

I'm thinking I should pee on their pillows when they are out... let's drive them out and fill up this house with Asian people! Damn, yeah! And we'll only ever watch football for a split second when we are changing the channel to some documentary on the ABC. And we'll be changing the channel with a calculator / remote control which one of the Asian people will own (I'd assume) which only lets the user tune in TV channels which have documentaries playing. :)

Now, what do I do? Do y'all think I should organize to get Joseph put on the lease behind their backs, despite their godamn 1950-Mississipi reluctance, and see how things pan out? Or do I wait and see what they come up with? Should all housemates get a say in this, even though two of them are godamn morons?

I made a mistake with who I chose in the beginning and this is my karma. Juuuust great.

William John.

So tight it's getting hard to breathe...

2005-04-24T21:48:00.000+10:00

I have this system in place to detect when I need to do laundry. It largely revolves around the fact that I have a collection of underwear from all years of my life. Each day I will try and choose the best fit, but day by day the best fit wears down and my underwear gets tighter and tighter. When I reach that white pair with the red and blue stripes from when I was like 12, it is time to do a wash. I am starting to think that I need more underwear, a larger laundry hamper and a maid. Or I could just do the laundry more often. Meh. I'm best to mull over this one.

William John.

Is this a meme...? If so, then "My first meme" is the title of this blog...

2005-04-19T15:20:00.000+10:00

Ever been so drunk you blacked out:
Of course not. I'm a good, respectable boy, really I am.

Ever set a body part on fire for amusement:
No... but I once did make a paper boat. I went and found this ant nest in the yard at my Pop's place and gathered them up and put them on this boat. Then I filled up the laundry sink and let them float around for a little while before I set the boat on fire. (I was a kid... :)

Been in a car accident:
No, but I often muse about swerving my car over an enbankment. But I love my car, so I don't.

Been hurt emotionally:
I guess I think about the actions of others' too much, so, yes, I have been hurt emotionally. But if I was more of a man's man and didn't worry and stress and think about other people and the way they treat me too much then I would do ok.

Kept a secret from anyone:
Not from my blog readers. Tehehe.

Had an imaginary friend:
Maybe I'll make one up for my 21st party since I don't have any real friends to invite. I'll call him "Jeddy", methinks.

Wanted to hook up with a friend:
Yes. I think about him practically every day. But, he's not like that. And, even if he were... aaargh... just let it go, Will... let it go...

Cried during a Movie:
Why, sure. But usually I hold em back. I can't really think of a movie in particular, but I was real sore after watching A Love Story. So godamn sad it had me on the brink of crying... I probably did when I had a shower after I watched it for the first time, now that I think of it. I love crying in the shower. :)

Had a crush on a teacher:
I think I have. Can't think of who. No, probably not.

Ever thought an animated character was hot:
Being a sexually-deprived lad it's not hard to be stimulated by one's surrounds. Yes, some cartoons can be hot.

Had a New Kids on the Block tape:
Aren't they called NKOTB now? And, no. I have Country tapes and a Steppenwolf tape in my car.

Kissed Someone:
Actually, or in my dreams? Practically every night if so.

--------------RIGHT NOW-----------

Wearing:
A T-shirt that reads "Coolum Beach, QLD", where my Mother has just bought a house that she saw and wanted. I am wearing some jeans that I bought down on Bridge Rd (a huuuge shopping street in Melbourne) while shopping with Mother. It was at this store with this gay attendant... he kept telling me to turn around so he could check out the "fit". Anyhow, he was a good attendant... but he'd throw this hissy fit about how "you wouldn't get this kind of service in other stores, so you have to buy something". I bought 3 things actually. I was on a high that day.

Thinking about:
A headache is preventing me from thinking. I have just started thinking about food though. Making a tuna sandwich would be good, as I opened a big can yesterday and bought some fresh bread and mayo. I might do that later on.

Listening to now:
(Changes song from Conway Twitty...)
I'm listening to James Carr now... The Dark End Of The Street

----------THE LAST 24 HRS--------

Cried:
No... but I could throw some acid onto my pupils if that would amuse you?

Worn Socks:
I am wearing socks now. I should have pointed this out earlier, but I thought my readers would have the sense to know this. I am also wearing shoes. Blue Colorado's without shoelaces that are getting old now.

--------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------

Yourself:
No. But I'm trying.

Your Friends:
I don't really have friends, per se. I do have acquantainces. I guess I believe in them. Maybe not "Jeddy", though.

Santa Claus:
Do I have to say yes to this in case one day my son (yes, I want some kids someday) has a arctic adventure and then brings back a snowglobe from the North Pole that only he can see the train moving in, unless I answer yes? Then yes. Yes, I do want to see the train moving in the snowglobe.

Tooth Fairy:
I don't want to lose any of my teeth, so in the spirit of not being motivated to lose them... no, I don't believe in the tooth fairy.

Destiny/Fate:
What difference does this make? Is it my destiny to be a loner without a boyfriend? I hate fate.

Ghosts:
Apparitions, yes. They exist.

God/Religion:
There must be some more powerful force that just you or me or Arnie Schwarzenegger out there. And, for the same "snowglobe/train" reason... yes... there is a God, if one day this answer allows me to see a train moving in a slowglobe that my son brings back for me from the North Pole.

---------FRIENDS AND LIFE--------

Do you have a girlfriend/ boy friend:
Why? You know someone?

Like anyone?:
I think it is obvious that I like a lot of people. (Hi, Lubin... Tehehe. No, just kidding. You're a "silver fox". LOL. :)

Who's the loudest out of your friends:
I am over questions about friends... over it completely...

Who's the wierdest out of your friends?
This is no longer funny. "Jeddy" I guess.

Who do you go to for advice:
Mother. The internet. If only there was a mother.com that dished out advice. ;)

What do you think about most when u are offline:
Guys. Loneliness. Adam. Stress. Work. Getting back online.

Who do you cry with:
Myself. I'm one of those single cryers... like those lonely people that sit by themselves at the bar drinking. It's a bad thing, but waddya gonna do?

When you last cried:
When I told Adam my secret. Embarrassed crying mainly, I think.

What's the best feeling in the world:
I'm not sure. I am guessing, however, that it involves two people.

Whats the worst feeling in the world:
When you're walking and you accidently slam your big toe against the coffee table.... and it starts bleeding and you don't cry but you are angry. And, this one time at band camp... ;)

So... that's it. My first meme. I'm going to make that sandwich now. Byyyyye. :)

William John

Elephants fall from trees...

2005-04-16T04:24:00.000+10:00

I went back to visit Mother after University on Friday. Short, sweet visits are usually the best deal, otherwise I am running around picking everyone else up because none of my 3 sisters drives. Not that I mind that. All in all, I love driving, and it's always good to lend a helping hand.

Mum insisted that I watch a Rob Schneider movie The Hot Chick. It's hard for me to really get into "stupid" comedy (like that scene where all the Klumps sit around the dinner table farting in The Nutty Professor ... is that funny? I don't understand. Why are people laughing at body emissions as though they were an adequate substitution for good comedic dialogue? Personally, I must be a sleep farter, because I withhold them during the day. Letting one go in the presence of another... well... that's just not on. Oh, the shame of it all. :)

The movie, however, was amusing enough and Rob sure can get into character (This time he swapped bodies with a airy girl in her early twenties). He's just in so much, doing a lot of the same thing though. It's hard for me to get excited about his movies when they come out because he's always pretending to be something out of the ordinary. It gets stale. But I'll still watch the godamn movies and laugh.

Then we watched a bit of The Lion In Winter. We didn't get through it all because it was getting late and the drive home for me is about 40 minutes away. Mum stayed up to watch it and sent me an sms just now, letting me know she enjoyed the movie. I knew she would. It's probably one of my favorite films now. All Shakespearean and all, but so modern that it was captivating. I don't know how they got away with a lot of the lines in that movie ... like when Katharine Hepburn holds a jeweled-necklace to her bosom and says "I'd hang it from my nipples, but I don't want to scare the children". Yikes. The mental imagery is haunting enough.

As I was leaving the house, Mum showed me this sculpture of an elephant with a monkey on it's back she had obtained. She was very excited that it was made out of ivory. And ivory is heavy. Ooooh. I tried explain to her that it wasn't right that someone would kill an elephant for it's ivory to make a sculpture of an ivory elephant. She used the old "the apple already fell" story... "perhaps the elephant was already dead..." LOL. Mum cracks me up sometimes. She didn't go out and buy this item ... it merely fell into her hands. Like an apple. ;)

Anywho... I'm up really late... 'tis past 4am here now... so nighteo all.

William John.

This is not a post...

2005-04-13T20:10:00.000+10:00

I know I said I'd post again today... but I can't... no, seriously. I have 10 things to do at once, and I am doing exactly none of them at any given moment. And godamn the moments are flying by, until that moment when you can't put something off any longer. And I don't know where sleep is supposed to fit into my schedule, because I don't think I have the time for that anymore. There's a few interesting facts about sleep that I can spew out at this moment. Like, you will die sooner from not sleeping than you will from not eating. I remember reading a story about a Japanese boy, obsessed with playing his Playstation, who stayed awake a little too long. I wonder what game he was playing... certainly his parents can reap some great advertizing consolation from the makers?

I told one of my friends about my crappy housemate, and her advice was to just treat her like a crappy stained coffee table in the loungeroom that you just put up with because you need a coffee table. The thing is, I made the coffee table we have in the loungeroom, with my own two hands. I know that it is a lousy piece of blasted furniture, but it's sturdy. In fact, I like my coffee table more than I do this girl. It's a great godamn coffee table now that I come to think of it. Fan-godamn-tastic. But it doesn't pay rent. And so my reasoning is foiled. Pfft! If daddy was rich I wouldn't have a problem. And noone mention the words "sugar daddy"! ;)

William John.

Am I the toilet roll...?

2005-04-12T21:20:00.000+10:00

I thought I'd let you know that my life isn't all a downfall. There are some good points to waking up each day. For example, I love to laugh. I've become one of those people that laugh so infrequently that, when I do, I appear somewhat manical. My housemate told me this joke when she first moved in:

Q. Why did the toilet-paper roll down the hill?
A. To get to the bottom.

Tehehehe. It's so silly, but it has me in stitches every time I hear it. (Which is everytime I ask her to repeat it, because I have the worst memory. Which is great for jokes and re-watching movies. Its not good for other matters though, like 'what day is it?' etc. Terrible memory. Hey... you wanna hear this joke about a toilet roll...? ;)

Anyhow, that was really corny. Sorry to put you through that. If that is the type of muck I'll be writing in this post, I am best to leave it off here and begin with a new slate tomorrow. Sigh...

William John.

A horizon of statistical normality...

2005-04-09T11:24:00.000+10:00

I'm back at the family home for the weekend. "Family home" sounds so prestigious. We live in a terrible, terrible suburb. Well, it's not so bad, but I hate it. There are too many houses, and the whole town looks so cluttered. And the people are ugly. Ugly, ugly people. Sigh...

Anyhow, I've gotten here, to the house, and I just can't stop eating all the chocolate Easter eggs that are sitting in a basket on the bench. But all the name-brand chocolate is wrapped up and I know I shouldn't really open them ... they look so nice in the basket. But the cheap eggs are hurting my teeth. It's a conundrum, and I just don't know what to do about it. Physical pain versus ruining post-Easter Easter aesthetics. It's really odd too, because I really don't eat that much chocolate, but when it is there in bulk, in shiny colorful wrappings, I start losing some control. Oh well, I'm over it. I guess I'm really just going for the chocolate because the milk has gone off on account of my Mother and Stepfather going away on an interstate trip and I can't have cereal. The fridge and pantry are packed otherwise, so I don't know why I am basing my eating habits on the one item that it no good. It's systematic of me, I suppose. (I had to come back home to pick up my car registration papers and to pick up some registered mail ... I ordered 'A Lion In Winter' online, which I've never seen before, and I have to sign for it. I like ordering movies I have vaguely heard about.)

The housemate that pays rent but doesn't actually have a physical presence in the place I rent met up with me the other day. It turns out that he wants to move out. It's just not working for him. Go figure. So now the search begins for a new housemate. I'm thinking tall, blue-eyes, brown-hair, athletic-build, GSOH, no kids ... Mmmm ...

It looks as though I made three wrong choices with who I chose to live with. One girl still doesn't acknowledge me, at all. I even asked her "Is something wrong? You're very quiet." I think she shook her head and replied "Nebrum". That was the only word she spoke to me that day. I'm guessing that it translates to 'I'm an inconsiderate skank that won't waste any effort on you. Thanks for choosing me to live here though'. Juuuust great.

As for the other girl, she's friendly enough. Loud, annoying as hell, but still friendly. I just noticed a facial tick that she has whenever I talk to her. The right corner of her mouth moves up and her right eye half closes every few seconds.

Statistically speaking, I should be coming into contact with someone of some normality sometime soon. Yay. :)

William John.

Da da da-da dum... the ringtone alarm of life...

2005-04-05T22:20:00.000+10:00

I changed my mobile phone over today with one that looks more shiny (and thus better). I actually had it sitting around in my room for a while, but never really got around to changing from my old one, which is reliable as hell. I mean, noone really calls anyway, so who really cares what phone I have to not answer calls with. Which is why I never really bothered changing over to this silver, camera-phone with swanky ringtones. Now, instead of waking up to an annoying intermittent, trying-to-explode-my-brain beeping, I can wake up to that tune that goes "Dee da da-da dum... da da-dum, da da dum, da da dum da da-da dum..." You know the one, I'm sure. Christ, I can't do much better than to include the words. Anyhow, I am gonna try it out, and if I wake up tomorrow, then it works, and is an amicable replacement to the old one. I'll be awake and my brain will be intact. Not that it has ever exploded before, but I am best not to tempt fate, knowing my luck.

Sam Cooke is my new taste in music. My taste tends to swing around a lot. At one point, and I can laugh about this now, I was into yodeling. Yodels! Ahehe. Anyhow, Sam Cooke is really great. Listening to "It's a Saturday night and I ain't got nobody" is so apt. Especially on a Saturday night. And, although I still love listening to the Carpenters, it is probably a bit healthier to listen to Sam. I'll even listen to John Denver and Perry Como, happily clicking along. I know there is something wrong with my taste in music... like I should be moving back and forth slowly in an old rocking chair with a stick of buckwheat cane in my mouth while I listen to it... but I don't care. If it makes me smile, it's gotta be good.

I'm starting to hate my new housemates. I'm such a bad judge of character, and it's only taken a few weeks to realize that these people are are my complete opposites - they are idiots. I hardly get a grunt hello from them when I get home, and I am really nice to 'em and all. I have nothing in common with them. They love watching the footy on TV. In fact, these two girls like football so much that they'll watch every game, even if their teams aren't playing! And they scream at the TV! Loudly! (Which is what screaming usually is, by the way). One of 'em wants to work in an administrative role at a footy club, and the other want to be a Federal Policewoman, despite having something called "shin splints", which stops her from being able to run. They are country hicks, as well. They are unsophisticated. I am just angry at myself. Why did I let these people into my life? I have to live a whole year with these morons.

I didn't only choose two girls to live with. I also chose a guy. The only thing is, he doesn't really show up. He pays rent every month and has paid his bond and moved in some furniture... he just doesn't actually live here. I don't know where the hell he is, but I am glad that I am at Uni for so long during the day ... I expect that one day someone will show up at the door and kneecap whoever's at home that doesn't know where to find this mysterious "Brad" guy.

Why didn't I choose three guys to live with? Surely that would've given my a good chance for finding me a man. And I am starting to hate the opposite sex in many ways since having to share a home with them. They are controlling. So godamn controlling it gives me a godamned headache. Is it just me, or are they less friendly and more selfish?

I don't think I could turn back to the days when I thought about females in a sexual context. I'm not sure what happened... my thoughts just did a flip one day, then suddenly women just stoppped playing a role in my nighttime dreaming. I stopped noticing them on the street, and paid more attention to guys. This was a while ago now, I suppose. Probably since I was about 13 or 14. Not that I have found anyone since then, but considering I decreased my options by 50% of the population, I am doing well, right? Please tell me I am, or I'll have some kind of hissy fit, I will. There's so many things I find appealing about them. Everything, really. (I'll go into it all at some point. :)

At one point in my life, I did think being gay was wrong. I shuddered when I thought of two men kissing. It couldn't possibly be right. I couldn't get my head around it at all. Now, I want to be one of the men. I don't know what ticked over in my brain to change my thought processing. I don't know if it will turn out to be good or bad. And it scares me to death. I'll be the joke of my family. But when I find someone, it will be worth it, methinks. It has to be, or I'm screwed...

William John.

I guess it has something to do with the way that I fill out my skin-tight blue jeans...

2005-04-02T11:34:00.000+10:00

It has come to my attention (a sentence just open for a whole heap of metaphoric trouble) that other people have been linking to my blog. For instance, traumatised-by-being-30 has me listed under his "some people i'm stalking" section. I wonder how hard it would be to stalk someone that rarely leaves a 2 kilometer radius...? Something else that is perhaps disturbing... TBB30 is a duck. That is, if his profile picture is anything to go by and be believed. So I decided to do a little research on the matter using a little thing called the "internet". Apparently, ducks have a lifespan of between 10 and 15 years, and (allegedly) the oldest duck lived for 25 years. So, no wonder this guy is traumatized. He's a duck and past his basting date. I don't want to dispel the idea that a duck is out there writing a blog. I have a bird back at home and he (or she? What do I know about these matters? Godamn, I should really have paid more attention when I was younger...) is really smart. I haven't seen him pecking at his own poop for a while now in fact. "Traumatized"and "stalking" are two words that I've always wanted to be associated with.

Anyhow, I made out like there were more people linking to me, but I really wouldn't know. I'm not so vain as to point these things out you know. But, to quote that old Mac Davis song...

Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble... when you're perfect in every way...

Even though I know that's not true. :)

William John.

The seat of moss and rock...

2005-03-30T11:10:00.000+10:00

Here is another picture from my trip to William Ricketts Sanctuary. I tried so very hard to get me and the boy in the shot, but I swear that he was moving whenever I turned my back! ;)

The Mountains of William...

2005-03-30T10:53:00.000+10:00

I have so much work to worry about that I developed a nice little headache today. Anyhow, I decided I needed some time away from the lab, away from the books and journals... just to go somewhere quiet. I just took out the Melbourne map and started following along roads with my finger, looking for that secluded spot.

Mt. Dandenong is about a 30 minute drive from the place I rent, and I always wanted to have a look. So I thought that today would be the day... get rid of my headache and get out of the house to boot. I took my camera along, because now I have a blog, so it only makes sense to capture my exploits. It's a pity my camera is playing up... I got there and found that my batteries didn't have enough oompf in them to get my through more than two pictures. So that I had to drive down the mountain to find some batteries somewhere.

It was really worth the trip, as I found this park called "The William Ricketts Sanctuary", where this man called William had carved so many great aboriginal figures into wood and stone. Sure, there were mainly old people there, but I loved it.

(Except next time I go back, I will bring mosquito repellent... there was one there whenever I turned my head! I think it was the same one stalking me, godamnit! And I sat on a seat with some ants on it... and they were like big ants... and I got scared. And I saw a web up in the trees... and I wondered where the spider was... was it stowing away in my pants pocket, only to later reappear in my food? The sculptures were worth the risk to my life, though.)

I'm going to have to go back at some point because I missed a few things... like I didn't even sit down and watch the documentary about William Ricketts that was playing because I was too consumed with snapping pictures ... trying to position the camera atop of rocks and benches and dirt, attempting to get me in frame.

Battery-dependent memories...

2005-03-30T10:33:00.000+10:00

My digital camera has been playing up a bit, and requires absolutely new batteries before it will do a thing. Anyhow, I got it running today and found this picture of me at NYE... all long haired and alone. Hell, I wasn't truly alone there... my sister took the picture after all. ;)

We went over to the beach to bring in the new year, up at Noosa, a few hours drive away. For my past NYE's I tend to remember watching my Mum and Stepdad fighting at home ... though Mum has some different, nicer memories. Hmmm. Funny that. I thought I had better get out that year. 'Twas nicer, I guess. I love the beach. I love most things scenic.

Gripes and grapes...

2005-03-28T07:00:00.000+10:00

I can't tell you my life has gone anywhere in the last week. It is Easter right now... Easter Sunday in fact. Perhaps I haven't gotten my priorities right, but I've come back to the house that I'm renting near the University so I can catch up on some of the heavy workload that I have. I just kept thinking to myself "If I don't do it today, then godamn I am gonna be so stressed out tomorrow". Chances are I'll be stressed out tomorrow anyway... but at least this way I appear to be doing the work. Anyhow, daylight savings just ended, so that's saved me another hour to goof around. ;)

Not much else has been happening really. I just finished eating some grapes. In fact, I bought a bag of grapes about a week and a half ago, then I bought another bag a few days later. The second bag is the one I finished. The first bag I just eye suspiciously as the grapes brown in the fridge. I don't think it was meant to be with them. Oh well.

I am throwing away a heap of food lately. I just threw away two loaves of bread. (Well, they were each half full, so maybe one loaf worth). And the potatoes my Mum gives me tends just to go green. I told her yesterday not to give me more because I still had the last batch, but she insisted that by now the last batch would be no good. Mum has also taken to picking wives for me from the TV. "You should bring one that looks like her home", she'd say. The woman will usually be tall and blonde, and have good verbal skills. "No short ones". I couldn't image walking around with anyone too short anyway... I am like 6"5' and look over the short persuasion. Not that I am so ... err ... godamn, I can't think of that word ... this is killing my brain trying to think of this word, and I know it, I just have such a bad memory. But you know what I mean, I'm sure. Superficial? Is that the word? I think that's what I was thinking about. But then again, maybe I am superficial. I know good from bad and beauty from ugliness. I am looking for someone without flaw, which is perhaps my downfall, because I myself are so deeply flawed in many respects. Physically, personality-wise, and socially. How many times have people told me what a good person I am. Aargh! That hurts most of all. I am nice, sure... but what they're really saying is that I don't have the grapes to realize that I am just easily abusable.

William John.

The choice between filthy and comfortable...

2005-03-17T19:31:00.000+11:00

Isn't it funny how, when something is in demand, it is just so hard to find. I am, of course, talking about being able to think. Everything just seems to be moving so godamned quickly ... I don't even remember where February went! I pray for weekends to come quickly. And, now that I realize Easter is a holiday, I am praying that Jesus shakes things up a little bit more to give me some more holiday time to think. Where is He? Aaargh! I won't be holding my breath. Now, I know what you are thinking... "Why does Will write 'realize' with a 'z' and not an the Australian 's' standard"? But I think you've missed the point here. I mean, really. I am stressed and tired, and am thinking about cutting down on my eating just so I have time to exhale. And you're all wondering about my spelling? Godamnit.

I haven't seen Adam for ages. Come to think of it, I haven't seen the sun for ages. (does the glare of a computer monitor count as sun?) I am probably taking lab work far too seriously. But, when you don't have someone to come home to, I guess you can afford to get lost in a world where time moves like it's nobody's business. I think I need more contact with the world about me. Yeah, it's all good to type this up, but I don't see it happening. If only I had a friend that invited me to events. I'm thinking about just chucking out my mobile. I mean, hell, nobody calls anyway. Not that I have the time for calls and going out and all that crap ... I'm just saying it would be nice is all.

My room is one mess. Oh, I just reminded myself that I need to do laundry. Tomorrow, if I don't do the wash, that is, I will be deciding which pair of underwear is "less dirty"... and that's not really an option I want to make. Of course, it is 8pm and dark and cold outside and nothing is going to dry. Do I go solo tomorrow, or just wear the same pair? I know I have some satin boxer shorts in there, but they get sticky, and sweaty etc. But, if it comes between filthy and uncomfortable, I guess that latter is my option. Yay. Tomorrow will be juuuust great already ... ;o)

William John.

An excuse in God...

2005-03-12T21:50:00.000+11:00

I don't think I am fully lucid. I tend to walk around in some kind of a daze, not really noticing or caring what is going on around me... just trying to get from point A to point B without tripping up along the way. Which is why I really couldn't believe myself at that party. Crying like that, I mean. I don't tend to have much emotion. I am the same most of the time. Except when I am alone, I suppose... that's when my thoughts can really shine. Someone asked me recently, someone I don't really know, if I smoked marijuana. Is that a question someone can just ask like that? Without really knowing a person? Sure, I look calm and thoughtless, but I still have thoughts. And if smoking that stuff makes someone like me, then it is probably not the best idea. I have seen people that I know do that kind of stuff, and god are their eyes red. It doesn't look too healthy. If I'm going to get addicted to something, it would not be something that would make me more like me. That would be utterly pointless... and somewhat degrading. Well, in the way I see myself most of the time it would probably be degrading. Not that I am not the model of virtue in many ways. One should always open doors for a lady, for instance. Not that I intend to have a lady to open doors for. Sure, I am fond of some women... but not to the point of attractiveness. I know the kind of woman I'd like to marry... y'know... if I were to marry a woman. And my Mother is always stopping by shop windows and pointing at women, saying to me "that's the kind of woman I expect you to marry". Window shopping is such fun with mum. I doubt I'll buy what she thinks I will, though.

I don't know where this little prose is going. I guess I am just typing. It is late, and I am sullen and cold and alone and I guess I just feel like typing. Letting my mind and fingers wander on the keyboard...

How the hell am I supposed to find someone to be with? I don't get out enough for that, and my situation makes things a little difficult. I'm not a good communicator... and I am starting to feel so goddamned nervous around crowds that I just don't feel much like going out. Actually, crowds and darkness and youth and new people (and people I know, sometimes) and noise make me feel nervous. I imagine it is something like that scene in Rain Man when the smoke alarm goes off by accident and Dustin Hoffman starts hitting his head making "Eeerrrmmm....! Aaarrrhhhhmm!" sounds. But not that dramatic of course. I don't think I'll find anyone before I am 21. Noone would say it, but I am not someone that anyone would notice was gone if I wasn't around. That's one of those sentences I've got to steer clear from. I wouldn't do what that sentence might imply. It is just a thought.

It's a shame I am not religious. Y'know what I mean...? those fanatical religious people that won't hold hands with the opposite sex until they get married, and who have family prayer circles. Aargh. Then I would have an excuse for the way I am. If people ask me why I left it so late, I could just answer "because of God". Can anyone argue with that? You can't win an argument with a religious person... there is always a comeback chapter and verse. Anyhow, I don't want to be one of those people... I just want an excuse.

William John.

Life is a series of tiny jokes and runny noses...

2005-03-07T21:19:00.000+11:00

I had already written up a post, but I read it and it sounded a little whiny to me. But the brunt of it pretty much read that I am probably going to see less of Adam now that he is dropping of out Honors, and that I am so damn alone. I think I need to get into a relationship. I could be sweet... I think. I'd love there to be someone to come home to and cuddle. To gaze into their eyes for periods or time without having to turn away for fear that they will detect my longingness. To rub noses with like the eskimos do... except perhaps when we both have colds. That could get icky. But I want the icky option...

William John.

Melted cylinders and round cheeks...

2005-03-05T18:46:00.000+11:00

Recently I started doing Honors in Science, knowing full well that I am not much of a laboratory Salieri. Then again, he composed music, and there is no place for that in the lab... so maybe I am like Salieri. Aargh. Anywho... it just has not gone well. I have no time to myself anymore. I am in the lab from 9 to past 5, and yet I never seem to get anything done. Everything screws up.

Today the worst event was when I dropped a 2L beaker half filled with water. Everyone in the lab appeared out of nowhere, me standing in a 10 meter wide pool of water with broken glass at my feet. Then my supervisor gave me the "idiocy award" ... I AM NOT KIDDING ABOUT THIS - the idiocy award is a stick of about 8 plastic measuring cylinders which have been accidently melted together into one, with the words "idiocy award" labeled on the side on masking tape. I'm supposed to wait until some other idiot breaks something then pass on the baton. If I don't break the melted cylinders, that is. ;o)

And the point about everything screwing up is that an experiment can take up to 3 days to set up. If you ruin it, then that a full week. Grrr! When I leave the uni, I am damn tired, always wondering what the goddamn hell I am doing there still. Yes, I've always thought of myself as a student that would keep moving along the conveyer belt, until I'd fall off and be something else ... but it is getting a bit trying. And I don't have the time to think anymore. I'm not that happy right now I suppose. And I don't think I will be for the rest of the year. I'm finding it a little hard to even be pretend-happy anymore ... which is a real pity, because I was hoping to develop those nice rounded cheeks that happy people get because they smile too much. I love those.

William John.

Losing the battle with gravity...

2005-02-27T05:00:00.000+11:00

I was trying to utilize the space in my room. There is just so much room toward the ceiling, and so little around the floor (as is evident by the mess). Anyhow, it turns out balance and gravity were against my that day, my friends.

White and phased...

2005-02-27T04:45:00.000+11:00

Here I am, looking a bit phased about something. Sure, I've aged since this picture, which is why I shriek and throw Holy water whenever I get too close to a mirror.

In a crowded party, alone...

2005-02-24T05:35:00.000+11:00

I know it has been a while since my last blog. Crikey, it's just that so much has happened in the past month that I just couldn't get my head around it all easily.

Anyhow, I'll tell the major story the way that it is. About a month ago I went to one of my friend's 21st Birthday, tagging along with my friend Adam and his gal, Laura. I guess I must have had too much to drink... you see, I was quite nervous. I don't really get out to events where one must socialize too often, and I had the whacky idea that booze would loosen me up. I think it did actually loosen me up and I was having a swell enough time. But then the Birthday guy's parents and friends started doing speeches, praising their son and friend. My thoughts just raced into long spiels - "What will happen when my 21st hits me ... I could never fill up a small room with friends, let alone a venue ... and I certainly don't have a friend that could make a speech about me."

And these thoughts just kept running in my head even after the speeches that when Laura asked me, as we sat on some seats on the sides while the party continued, what I thought of the speeches, I just broke down. It was the most terrible, embarrassing thing that could possibly have happened. I excused myself to the bathroom, as one naturally does when they'd rather share the company of white tiled, empty walls than that of people, and sat myself down in a cubicle.

Laura must've told Adam what had happened, as soon enough he was there, in the next cubicle staring down from above (how embarrassing!) asking me what was wrong. "Nothing" didn't really work as a reply, so I ended up saying to him that if we went outside I'd tell him a few of my problems. I don't think I expected to come out when I left for the party, but that's what ended up happening. Adam was real nice about it and all... "I have lots of friends that way", he'd say. "You're still the same guy, and this doesn't change anything." Adam is one of those people that, if he doesn't like something about you then there is something wrong with you. I can tell that he's decided about me already. I am OK. Period. Sure, he can put up with me at spaced irregular intervals, but chances are he wouldn't put me on an invitation list. That makes me sad, too. Knowing my best mate couldn't reciprocate with the appreciation I feel for him. There's a Josh Groban song which has the verse "you raise me up to more than I can be". That's exactly what he does. At irregular spaced intervals anyway.

Goddamnit, though... I wish it DID change something. Something isn't right about how I go around closing everything inside like some damn pressure cooker until I just go and tell someone unprepared. Isn't the pressure supposed to reduce, somehow? I don't feel like anything has changed. I am still the same guy, like Adam said, but that can't be a good thing. And it won't fill up a venue...

:(

William John.

B it this way...

2005-01-19T19:50:00.000+11:00

I noticed that all of my titles begin with the letter A and it was starting to frustrate me. Surely I could utilize some of those other letters. Like B. Not that I am at all biased towards using B but, the thing is, B when said aloud is a word. X's and Z's get messy. Unless you're German, then Z is fine enough. God, what a ramble. Should I delete all that and start again? Should I write more seriously?

I had a haircut the other day. If you knew me, it would be a shock. It is now short, and my (remaining) Grandfather said now I look like a boy. Now, that's gotta be a compliment. He doesn't have any hair, so he's not really one to talk. Getting a haircut was actually on my rather long list of New Year's Resolutions - many of which I have broken, sadly, because I am weak. Here are a few of them, in no particular order:

- Get fit ... do push-ups, swim, bicycle: And God do I need this one. I am a lanky guy, but make me run a mile and I'll soon follow the example of the tortoise in that Aesop's fable... walk slowly.

- Tell someone: This is perhaps the most important one, but the one of which I feel most embarrassed about. Embarrassed is not the right word actually. Scared, maybe. Who to tell? Anyhow, I can't tell you what I need to tell someone. I always thought I'd tell Adam... but I don't see his face enough to say anything. And, even if I did, I get the feeling that he wouldn't be particularly amused.

- Budget better: A must for me. I am a student, don't work, don't have savings... but goddamn do I have a lot of expenses. I have a car, rent a place and... err... no, that's it. Other than these two points, I really don't go out (like, who with? My invisible protege? Because even he won't come out with me anymore... ;) It does seem like every pay is gone before I get it. Sometimes weeks earlier than that. Hey, I just had a good (but not novel) idea... I can sell my virginity on the internet! Yessss.... anyone...? anyone...? (I imagine getting hit in the eye by a 10c piece.)

- Keep your hair neat: And it is. So far. And now I blow dry it, and put in some very expensive stuff called 'forming cream' into my hair. I really shouldn't have bought it... what was I thinking. I won't tell you the price... but I was so happy to get a haircut, I was just throwing my money around. "Wooohooo! Take it... give me that tiny little cylinder of white goo for a ridiculous amount of money! Wooohooo!" And god do I need it back. Do you think they will take it back, despite the fingerprints? No, neither do I.

I don't really think I am up to posting tonight. I really shouldn't have started. I guess I just have nothing else to really do. I guess I could go shave and shower... again ... but wouldn't that be obsessive?

Tomorrow I'll head back to the house I am renting. I'm looking for some new housemates as the other idiots are leaving. Let me tell you about my current housemates. The guy, let's just call him "God I am disgusting", or Giad for short. Giad starts every morning by hocking back the phlegm in his throat over and over and making spitting noises in the bathroom... conveniently located next to my room. He farts at all times as though he wants everyone to join in the harmony of the stink only surpassed by his faeces. And Giad blows his nose a lot. He's one of those people that will walk across the room to be close to you to blow his nose in your face, as though it is not disgusting. If I was this guy, I'd be in a confessional all the time. If I was Catholic, anyway.

There is another guy. Doesn't wash his hands after a tinkle. OK, let's call him "Tinkle". I wonder if it was the best idea to eat a lot of the food that Tinkle prepared... :o(

And the girl, "I called u cheap!", or Icuc, once walked into the loungeroom on a freezing night said to me, "Oh, you have the heater on. Well, I'm not paying for that. Put on a jumper if you're cold." Icuc is the cheapest girl I've ever known. Cheapness is not one thing that I appreciate. I detest it. Which is why I need to budget, I suppose. But then there should be an asterix attached to that; as long as I don't turn cheap. The funny thing about Icuc is that her father is rich and pays her rent. Anyway, enough about her. I'd imagine she wouldn't waste time talking about me if she had a blog. So I'll leave it at that. (The cheap bitch). OK, I'll leave it there. Happy?!

What is the idea with this blog business? Is there someone out there reading about me? Why not try reading (or re-re-re-reading) Catcher in the Rye instead of reading about me? Or maybe I should post it one day, and say that I wrote it. Damn, I gave my plans away! Sigh...

William John.

A generation lost...

2005-01-19T05:30:00.000+11:00

Today is not really a day that I can write away, letting the mood take me away to whimsical heights. You see, my Grandfather died today. He lives in Belfast, Northern Ireland, whereas I live in Melbourne, Australia, so I can't say that I knew him too well. We did get on well whenever we did see each other though, and it is sad that he is gone. He had the Leukaemia, and had been fighting it for a short time. But I guess it all catches up with you, and each fishing trip is just a step towards bagging your last trout. Goddamnit, though. Goddamnit...

Goodbye Grandfather Singleton. It was a long run and I love you. :o(

William John.

A few glances...

2005-01-18T11:21:00.000+11:00

I'm supposed to keep this thing up to date, aren't I? And how's next day service sound? Well, I assure you it won't be this way all the time. You see, being on holiday from University, and being a lazy sod, I have a lot of time on my hands. But when Uni starts again in a few weeks, I'll be scrambling to find the time. Well, I hope, anyhow. The busier I am kept, the less I really think about how meagre I am.

I have this friend, Adam. He's probably my best friend... but that doesn't say very much as we don't see each other very often or communicate much. And there really is no reason for him to be my "best" friend, except that I feel great around him. He's the person everyone should be. And the fact that he doesn't really keep in touch with someone like me makes me regard him even higher. I mean, if I was a different person, I suppose I wouldn't appeal to me (the new me) very much.

It seems like I have this notion that I have to have some kind of "benefit" for people to spend their time with me. During the exam period I stayed over Adam's house for like 4 days tutoring him and all. Hey, I enjoyed it and all... but where is he now?

He's doing Honors too, at some other institution, so I suppose a few glances is all that I will have left of him before I never see him again. Sure, we'll bump into each other years into the future in a crowded aisle in the supermarket, and perhaps make some kind of comment about "why isn't there dolphin-included tuna?" (as a joke) ... then he'll be swept away in the crowd and I'll be left standing next to the diaper section screaming "Stella!!!!! Steeeeellllllaaaaa!!!!" ... obviously I would have forgotten his name. :o)

Sigh...

William John.

A slow-motion world...

2005-01-17T21:25:00.000+11:00

I sometimes wonder if life is supposed to move this slow. Stepping forward seems to take an effort my mind can't grasp, and I don't really know what to do about it. Shaking off everyone I know and saying 'give me some space' would be a good first step. But, the truth is, I have so much space it's hard to move. Funny, I am such a contradiction. I'll judge people and tell them how it is... but who knows me? There are a lot of major, defining characters to me that even my closest friends wouldn't have a clue. I'd want to tell them, sure... but who could I trust with such information. I shoot off my mouth now, and tomorrow I'm some kind of point-and-giggle joke.

I am 20 now and have never had a partner... never been kissed... I sometimes am on the verge of tears about it. I really am. I can't do anything about it. Well, that's a lousy attitude for me to have. Sure I can do something about it. No-one else knows enough to care. I just don't know what to do about it. It's not like I'm a monsterish looking guy. I am quite ok in fact. Sure, I don't gave a sexy voice or bod, but I'd treat someone right. Sure I would. Anyhow, this is my first post so I shouldn't really turn it into a sob story.

This year, 2005, is going to be the toughest year of my life. I say that every year, because it is true every year. And I am so focused on the wrong things. Or maybe they are the right things, it's just the portions that I have screwed up. Like, this year, I'm doing Honors at University. How much better can life get? A year of full on work but meanwhile I'm grappling with the 'why aren't I a stronger person?' question... and hoping I'll dust myself off one day and be happy with me.

William John.