A slow-motion world...

I see you... everywhere... everywhere I goooo...

2007-08-02T22:58:00.001+10:00

DSC00015
Originally uploaded by willious

Perhaps it's the recent rain here in Melbourne (well, obviously so!), but I seem to be seeing a lot of rainbows nowadays. They amaze me. You couldn't stop me swinging my car over where it shouldn't be and snapping a picture.

schlomo will-o...

2007-08-02T22:55:00.001+10:00

DSC00010
Originally uploaded by willious

here i am trying to get a picture with a rainbow.. but it must have moved or something, because all I got was a car and some schmo in the forefront. :)

cake take two

2007-08-02T22:52:00.001+10:00

cake take two
Originally uploaded by willious

I tried making the cake again soon after, considering I had all the cream and ingredients laying around... and who knows how long it will be again before I make another cake. Well, it was my father's 53rd birthday, so I decided to give him a nice cake for the party. In hindsight, I should have given him the 'cake ewww' (as shown below), because this one was VERY nice. :)

Cake eww...

2007-08-02T22:50:00.001+10:00

cake eww
Originally uploaded by willious

This is my first attempt at making a hazelnut meringue cake. Now, as a lesson to all you young aspiring chefs --- you must NEVER get any yolk in the meringue! NEVERrrr! Not a speck! Not at atom nor a molecule! Heed my warning! :)

Something is afoot...

2007-08-01T15:56:00.001+10:00

Troy doing CSI
Originally uploaded by willious

Well, here is an update! lol. Huzzah! My boss has gone away to Rhode Island and New York for some science conferences, and Paris for a holiday. And seeing as I've been working so hard of late, she's given me a little time to relax. So I'm sitting at home on a Wednesday afternoon listening to music and contemplating (but not full spirited) doing something more productive. Of course I'll be going in sometimes during the 5 lazy weeks. I have to go in to demonstrate practical classes, and a few other things here and there. If I'm not at work, my friend Kelly gets very bored, so I have to keep her smiling too. :)

Anyway, besides all that, I did recently meet this guy Troy that lives close to me. I see past him wearing face masks and probably being camp, because none of that is important. (Face maks? on a man?! lol. Whatever keeps you young I suppose.)
He's happy, smiles more often than not, and has a squishy body you'd be happy to hug. We first went on a date to a silly doughnut place (that I had to argue with previously because they didn't want to honor a 'free donut' coupon they'd sent out because I was purchasing other items at the same time! Just silly!)

We had some hot chocolate and donuts and talked for a while. I leant in for the kiss as I'm driving him home -- no use dropping him off thinking I only want to be friends -- and it seemed to go off smoothly. Phew. :)

Well, since then I've seen him once more (of which I don't really wish to comment on in any detail.) and will be seeing him again on Friday for dinner at his house. It's just the beginning, but let's see how it goes. :)

William John.

the one on the right is my car...

2007-07-10T23:20:00.001+10:00

the one on the right is my car...
Originally uploaded by willious

it does me well, and i always like when someone gets in and says 'god, you keep it so clean'... :) ... well, I do. :)

You know that I'm not that strong...

2007-07-10T22:11:00.000+10:00

I really don't post here enough. I apologize. Life gets so busy... but that's not the point of blogs. Somehow you're supposed to work around that. It's here for organization of thoughts. And I don't know what I think about anymore. My PhD sort of takes a lot of that away from me. And then there's the little things in life, like waking up and finding a ding in the car. Which really bugs me, because I haven't had the car that long. Ooh... I'll have to work out how to post an image again!

Sigh. But those are all negative. I turned 23 the other day (July 3rd). The big 2 and 3 next to that. It was a good day. The whole family came to a restaurant called Olmecs, which I adore because it makes great hazelnut-flavored hot chocolate. Mm. It's my staple drink for going out. (For my main meal, I had a steak, btw. it was ok too, I suppose. :)

Oh gifts! My twin sister bought me three seasons of the tv show Family Guy, and mum gave me some nice tops. My other two sisters gave me some aftershave lotions... you know, if it weren't for them, I probably would smell. lol. Well, no, I really wouldn't... now that I've taken a shine to body spray. :) Anyway, besides any point. I also received a $100 fuel card. yay. Now, THAT will come in handy. :)

I used to talk to someone on here who had contacted me a while ago while reading my blog; Tony. Sometimes I end up thinking about him, and I'm always in the wrong. Don't worry, if you're reading this, I don't expect it would be the other way around. I suppose sometimes things just fall apart... I get in moods, everyone does when they're stressed. But I've regretted not talking to you since. I hope you have the nerve to say hello to me again, because I'd like that. I'm still the same person (if that's a good thing)... I don't even know if I'm any wiser, but I'd like to think so. I miss hearing about your neices and nephews, and your funny emails that I should have appreciated more, because you went to a hell of a lot of effort with them. Anyhow, that's said.

Well, it's gotten late and I do have to be up earlier. I'll try and update more promptly ! :)

William John.

Kellys Birthday. :)

2007-03-31T10:42:00.000+10:00

2007, March 24th. Kellys Birthday. :)
Originally uploaded by willious.

Well, here is a recent shot of me... this is at my friend Kelly's birthday. I usually don't allow myself to get dragged out of the house, but where the hell is the fun in that? I don't want to be trapped in the house with a trillion germs .. (THEYRE EVERYONE YOU KNOW! AAARRRGH!) hehe. never mind. I'm just being silly. These are some people I met, Candice on the left I've met before... I love her company, she's so enthused by it all. Lindsay is on the right... I'm not sure if I lost him in the beginning when I pointed out that he has a girl name. ;)

Just a little note to say hello...

2007-03-28T21:03:00.000+10:00

Dear God,

It has been so long since my last post, but there have always been moments where I wanted to sit on the computer and write away, releasing all this... explosive heartbeating... that is going on inside my chest.

I don't know where to begin... so little and so much has happened... but if I were to examine my life from a Point A a year ago to Point B today, well, I guess I haven't moved an incredible amount. And that scares me a little. I'm 22 years old now. I still reckon I'm a nice guy, but I might be turning into an old man too quickly.

Well, I finally did have a relationship. It started with this guy Sam. He was a little bit older than I was, about four years. But that's not really a drama. He was an art teacher, a fantastic one if you got to see any of his work. If I could work out how, I'd post this cool picture of my he drew when I fell asleep at his flat one day - it's hanging on my wall now. But it was pretty much doomed to fail right from the outset. Yes, I loved to see him, and I love having the company. Oh, the company. But in the end, I wasn't in love with him. Right from the beginning he said those word 'i love you', and now I realize how shallow they can be. Well, from other people. If I said those words (in the order from left to right!), I'd do it wholeheartedly. He even got to meet my Mother. She was right, he was very girly, lol... but I don't even see some of these things at the time. That doesn't matter. Anyway, I thought everything was going alright, until one day I get a message on my phone 'we need to talk', and then that's that. Wow. So sudden.

"Why?" I ask him.
"I just don't feel like it's going anywhere. You were perfect. You are the perfect boyfriend."
I'm pretty emotional. "Well, is there any way we can fix it?"
"No. I'm sorry, no."

Well, there was nothing that I could do but leave. He said he wanted to be friends, but as of this point in time, I haven't received any call from him. He has some of my things and I have a few of his, so I called him to see if he wanted to come and get them, but he said he didn't have the money for petrol, and I haven't spoken to him since. Well, this is life I suppose.

At the current time, I have met this guy Cal. He's everything I could possibly want in my naive little world. He's not perfect, but I don't see that. But I'm not good at this business, and after our first meet - he just moved to Melbourne from Brisbane, and I picked him up to take him to the cemetary when he messaged me one day to let me know those were his plans for the day. lol. Well, he wanted to check out his great grandfather's grave for his Aunt's genealogy studies. Anyway, we couldn't find the grave, so we went out for lunch. Oh dear, none of this sounds good.

I haven't had much luck keeping him interested, and I don't know what to do. He's obviously out of my range - he's 28, self-proclaimingly unemotional and been through the mill a bit. I'm 22 with emotion and I wouldn't know who to ask for directions to the mill. I'm trying to get him to come out with me to the movies, and... truth be told... I'm just exhausted by it all. Nothing seems to go right and I'm ready to just collapse on the pavement, rain beating down.

I guess the question is, why would you dump someone who you thought was perfect? Well, maybe because they're not. Damnit.

William John.

Sometimes stop...

2006-08-06T09:57:00.000+10:00

This past week hasn't been easy. Watching my grandfather slip away was very hard, and my family is broken by it. We shared a miracle moment at the end, and we'll always have that... his chance and ours, to say goodbye... sas agapo ... for the last time.

Behind it all, things are ugly. My Mother has three brothers - only one of them was there at the end, while the other two stopped in for 10 minute visits every so often. One of these two uncles had my grandfather's house valuated by the realtors practically the following day, perhaps in need of a quick buck? It's funny that he has so much time now, when there's so much of it to spare. How could you be too busy when your Father's breaths are getting shorter and shorter...? When he no longer squeezes your hand, no matter how hard you shake or squeeze it...?

I think it will be a while before my tear ducts are replenished. Tomorrow is the funeral. I took a few items to remember him by... his hat, with his smell (lol) ... his worry beads - God, how he'd just sit there and play with them, how they defined him. I need only to look at the thick orange beads and I'll think of Papou. I hope he's with my Yaya (grandmother) now... I'm sure of it.

William John.

Sometimes...

2006-07-29T01:41:00.000+10:00

My eyes are full of water right now, and it's hard to think. Today my Grandfather had a major stroke and was taken to intensive care. It's so hard seeing someone you love struggling to breathe... to hold on... to pull out the godamn cords that they have stuck everywhere that looked like they were pissing the hell out of him! He can't talk, and half of his body is paralyzed. He can squeeze your hand though. Hard. He's still got some fight left in him, I think. God, he was always so strong. But now he's at the mercy of his surrounds... an oxygen mask... catheter... aargh! I hope my sister makes it down from Queensland in time to see him. They always bonded so well after her car accident. He sat by her bedside everyday. I am going to miss him so much.

"How's the heart, papou?" I'd say. It was part of our routine. (Papou is grandfather in Greek).
He'd look up at me and smile. "Ohhh... about fifty-fifty... sometimes start... sometimes stop..."

I best get some sleep. Like I said, my eyes are water-filled, and I can't think.

William John.

Good and bad days...

2006-06-23T21:20:00.000+10:00

I'm sitting here at the office. It's 9:15pm on a Friday evening, and I have a tremendous headache. The one that pokes into the back of one of your eyes.

When I got into work, I was all set for the day. I'd detect my protein of interest on a nitrocellulose membrane, and then do another assay. Science stuff. But, then, where was my antibody?! Nowhere to be found! I spent half the day looking for it... it was a terrible situation. Eventually, though, it showed up in a place that I would never have placed it. But there it was. In the -80 degrees celcius freezer, ready to roar. Anyhow, the delay is the reason I'm here so late.

Despite the headache, and feeling so down today about potentially losing and having to buy a $570 antibody... the experiment worked!

I consider a bad day when I walk out of this place with no smile, a headache and no results.

A good day is a smile, a headache and a result.

:)

William John.

Don't try and stop me, Shmee...!

2006-06-13T15:51:00.000+10:00

I was so gonna jump... :o)
Originally uploaded by willious.

Here I am next to one of the fords we passed while hiking away. I wanted to be all country-like, so I brought along my country hat and usually wore as much flannel or denim as I could. Needless to say, I stood out like a sore thumb and most of the time my friends were several paces ahead of me... :o)

William John.

Similar to my Mum's name...

2006-06-13T15:47:00.000+10:00

Similar to my Mum's name...
Originally uploaded by willious.

So here I am out in the country. There are more pictures on my flickr page, however one gets into that I don't know. But I'm smiling here, so it must be a good day.

I took a photo next to that sign to show my Mother... she has a very similar first name... if you add an 'i' in there somewhere. ;)

William John.

Electricity, poo and soccer...

2006-06-13T00:05:00.000+10:00

Here I am, 12am, watching Australia play Japan in Frischterfucken, or where ever they play soccer in Germany. I can't say I'm really a big sports fan, and it's hard to be as interested when Japan has already scored a goal and half-time has come and gone. Oh well.

I went away to the countryside for the weekend with a friend from work, Kelly, who was going home to visit her family. Her family's home stands in a valley and is surrounded by mountains. I was in awe. The air, the trees, the snow-capped peaks. It was good to get away from the city and see the other side. We went on some walks and hikes, her mum, me and Kelly... we say the hydroelectricity plant, as well as the place where a 17 year old died because the water swirls like a washing machine and people like to throw themselves in to see if they can get out (which they already were to begin with, so why jump in?), as well as a deer farm and a sewerage farm. (It can't all be roses and candy! :o)

I'll try and post some images of it all, but I'd forgotten my camera at home, and borrowed someone elses, so I'm going to have wait 'til she brings them in.

I started up on another Jeffrey Archer book - Able and Kane - which I love to read in my spare time, which is hard to come by. Though, usually my bookmarks are a neatly folded square of 3-ply toilet paper, which is a dead give-away to where I do my reading. I could probably read Archer from cover to cover. I love his character development. And you never know where it's all going to go until the very end. Ahhh. Good old Jeffrey.

Anyways, it's late, Australia is losing, and this very nice eggplant dip that I got recently is sitting out open. I best put it away. Will write more soon when I'm less tired. Oh AUSTRALIA GOT A GOAL!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHH! YEEHARRRRRRR! Go Australia! :o)

William John.

{Post edit: We WON! Meh! But yay! :o)

$20! You love you long time! ;)

2006-06-01T19:42:00.000+10:00

I went on a date recently. Don't get too proud of me, though: it didn't go that great. I was invited to the "theatre" for what I thought would be a mainstream performance of song and dance, colors and such. But, alas, no. The word theatre can mean other things, especially for arty people, which is what this guy is.

I walked into a darkened room with a bunch of other people, and the door was promptly shut behind us. Good thing, too, because the light would have ruined the ambience. Around the room there was six very large stage boxes, some of them inverted with people standing still on top of them in a flood of spotlight, and others open at the top, with people lying unmoving in them.

I walked around the room, looking at the array of people for a few minutes. The guy didn't seem too interested in staying close, but opted to walk around on his own, leaving me to feel uncomfortable. But, meh.

So, we're all looking at these people, no sound, no light... when suddenly a girl standing on one of the boxes starts... well... what I would call "orgasmasizing", which I understand isn't a real word. Having orgasms over and over every five minutes while making a wheezing sound heee-haaaarrrr in between. Another man standing on another box starts shaking violently and wrenching and contorting his face in horror whilst moving his hands to and fro from his face ever so slowly. The other people spasmed and groaned. I was so very uncomfortably. Apparently this is known as interpretive dance. And, sure, yes, it takes a lot of energy to orgasm over and over (though i'm not too sure about this personally... i'd better do a Google search just to make sure), but was it worth $20? No. No, ma'am, it was not. So, they did their spasms and compulsing for about an hour, then they pushed all the boxes together and all hugged for a few minutes, before one of the people (the girl with a shaved head, thin dress and tattoo of some mysterious Celtic symbol on her inner thigh) started going crazy and pushing people off the stage! Perhaps $20 is worth the price of the story, though... ;)

William John.

How much if I say you're my grandma...?

2006-05-23T22:03:00.000+10:00

I haven't blogged for a while. Maybe it's just that I'm a workaholic and don't really get the time anymore, but to be honest, I do have long showers, so if I just took a little time off showering I could use that time to blog. What an idea! Although, Melbourne is getting really cold, and I do enjoy my showers. Aaargh. What a conundrum. Damn, damn, damn daaaamn.

Besides that, life is much the same. The sun is going up and down... well, at least that's what I observe through the third-storey windows where I work. Oh... oh! The first Saturday's of each month have become exciting for me, because the local old age home has something like a boot sale, where all the old people sell there possessions at RIDICULOUS prices! (I wonder if this is all voluntary...?) I go in there and barter with them... it's great.

"Ten top selling books for $12! That's ludicrous! Give it for ten, or i'll walk...!"

I got some good stuff... they have all these great cookbooks. I even found the same cookbook that my Mother uses; it was such a great find! I also bought all these other ones that I barely look at, but will, at some point. Jewish cooking. The complete book of chicken recipes. Microwave cooking. Tart, pies and pastries. Women's Weekly Australian Chicken. I don't know why I bought this one, seeing I already had the complete book of chicken recipes... I might just compare the spare books to make sure... perhaps I can do that in the time I cut time off from my showers...? lol :)

As for my housemate, I still don't like the guy, but have convinced myself that it will be a good thing if I learn tolerance. Damn. Daaaaamn. The other day I sat in the garage in the dark blaming God for giving me crappy housemates. What a jerk. Aargh. Oops! Sorry! Please don't bring this up when I see you, God! You know I'm good-humored, and it was a harmless comment! Hmm.

Oh God, there's this woman on tv that looks and sounds like a man! Aargh! I supposed I don't have as much to complain about as I though. Imagine... someone has to wake up NEXT to that! Then, this is medical miracles, and the woman DID get bitten by a spider...

Where is my compassion?!

I also finished a book recently. I mention this only because reading books has becomes such a rare thing for me. Anywho, it was "The Fourth Estate" by Jeffrey Archer, who has become one of my favorite authors. I'm sure he's not for everyone, but I love his short stories... how they can enrapture you and make you twist and turn along with the plot. The Fourth Estate followed the lives of two newspaper magnates, and their battle for control of great media empires. It doesn't sound that exciting, but oh dear it was. I hate when a good yarn ends. There is no worse feeling. Oh... perhaps when you step on a snail at night time when it's dark and you can't see, but need to take out the trash. It's probably even worse for the snail... come to think of it...

As for my love life... ohhhh... I have much to offer... but I feel so cliched. A lonely gay guy looking for love. What is the cure to this? The same? Bah! My life moves so slow... I don't want to end up... alone.

Anyhow, I best be off... this is a long post as it is, and so much for y'all to absorb. Most of it is rambling... but in amongst that there is poor punctuation. Enjoy. ;)

William John.

Laughter and anger...

2006-05-02T12:15:00.000+10:00

Hello world! Yay! The Melbourne Comedy Festival is on around this time, and for the first time I took up the opportunity to see one of the acts - Lano and Woodley - before the duo separated. I was all laughs, you couldn't stop me. A lot of the jokes were slapstick and silly... Woodley went on for twenty minutes about "hi guy buy pie bye" (see, they are all different words, but they have the same sound! And, as Woodley told us, if the pie was made of eyes, then you could even say "hi guy buy eye pie bye". Silly. lol.)

At one point, the straight man, Lano, asked the inevitable question: How did we come to this? Out of the blue Woodley gets out his guitar and starts strumming some song about how the universe was created, and how we evolved from a single-cells organisms, followed by his parents meeting up for a sexual encounter, the comedy duo forming and Lano asking him the question. It was grand. ;)

But life is not all laughs in the World of William. We got a new guy in to help supplement the rent. I hate him. I don't exaggerate. I hate everything that he does. I've got that uncomfortable feeling again. And I'm so angry, I just want this guy OUT! He isn't paying the rent. He has absolutely no class. Case in point, I eventually has to tell him to start using the toilet brush. I found myself walking straight out of the toilet at the disgrace of a mess he left for me in the shallow ceramic pit. His excuse was that the bubbles that are created when he flushed the toilet hides the mess so he couldn't see it. Bullshit. Not what I saw. If you had such an event in the toilet, there is no way you'd walk out thinking you had left things as clean as you came in. No f'n way. Aargh. I can't stand his jokes that aren't jokes.

ie.
Him: How was your day?
ME: It was good.
Him: Are you sure it wasn't.... TWO DAYS?! >>insert hysterical laughter here<<

I can't stand listening to him. He blinks too often (some dry eye problem), and he's a loser. But I can't convince the other housemate (who is paying the other guys rent!) that we have to get rid of him. What to do...? :(

William John.

Papa needs a...

2006-04-18T23:35:00.000+10:00

I'm so thirsty right now, but all I have at hand is some cheap, badly-foiled Easter eggs someone gave me. That's ok. I chomp away at what I call "the blue one", but what is really just chocolate. It does nothing for my thirst. I should really get a drink. Meh.

A few things happened to me in the past week that would seem odd. I was walking back to my car at the end of a long, hard day, and lo and behond, behind one of my car tyres, was two $50 notes. I couldn't believe it. Then a few days later, I was walking back to my car on a rainy Melbourne day (my car was on the top level of the multilevel parking) and moaning to myself (since noone else is about when I leave work) about forgetting my iPod earphones in my computer. But as I walked closer to my car, there, in the rain, was a set of iPod earphones. I dried them and tried them out. Ever since, I've been paying close attention in the car park. :)

Then again, I don't know how lucky I could really be, when my car makes an odd clicking sound whenever the wheels turn. I've taken to turning the radio up really loud and not trying to meet eyes with other drivers as they swivel their heads in my direction an traffic lights. :)

Will write more soon.

William John.

Room in Vermont

2006-03-28T13:16:00.000+11:00

Room in Vermont
Originally uploaded by willious.

Well, I haven't posted in such a while. "Someone" requested an sticky beak at my room in the new house, and I am only now happy to comply now that I've figured out a way to post the image past the firewall. Sigh.

Life has been a little bit slow, but still everyday passes quickly and I'm thankful there. Melbourne was host of the 2006 Commonwealth Games (which totally destroyed prime time for me on one of the three good channels on TV). I didn't go to any events, and I was a little sad to not be involved in any of it, so when the closing ceremony was up, and a friend happened to call and wanted to go out to dinner, I suggested we watch the fireworks sitting along the Yarra. So I got myself into it at the last moment. Not that I was adverse to watching the Men's swimming. Yay. :)

Besides that I have began my PhD. It's a long road to hoe, but it should be fun... until it isn't. Meh.

Will write again soon now that I remember how.

William John.

I'm American now... :o)

2006-02-22T14:01:00.000+11:00

I won't prattle on too much, but after after a brief sprint back home, I started renting a new place in a cul-de-sac (did you know the plural is culs-de-sac?! that's rediiiiiculous!) ... with a friend, Rob. I even let him have the big room with the walk in 'robe and en suite on account of him having a girlfriend and probably needing the space more. Hell, I'm just nice. And it's in a 'burb names Vermont. How American! Or wherever Vermont is...

:o)

Will post again soon. Getting the place together at the moment. Take care,

William John.

Cannot predict now... refer to tellie...

2006-02-05T21:00:00.000+11:00

I am very rusty at all this. I'll admit it. There was a scene on 7th Heaven the other day; a young guy goes out with an older woman, and as he turns to leave she asks him for a goodbye kiss.

"This was a ride home," says this strapping lad. "I'm sorry if you thought it was anything more than that."

Damn that show, really. It's all so... eww...

RIGHTEOUS!

*shivers*

But despite the fact that I might despise the show to the point of typing words in capital letters, the guy was right in what he did. He was a good kid. I have to keep myself in more focus, because that's the sort of guy I should be. There are rights and wrongs, and my ability to weed this minefield has me screaming "MY LEGS! MY LEGS! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!!!" as I make my errors and mines go boom. And I can't keep watching 7th Heaven to guide me through life... and I can't blame everything on my magic 8-ball. That just wouldn't be fair.

Anyway, case in point. I met a guy recently, named David. He wasn't perfect. I don't expect anyone (else) to be perfect. In fact, although he was geeky and smug, he was also cute and friendly. In one day I got about 60 text messages from him on my phone. Our first date was to the Melbourne aquarium. They had this big squid on show... it looked fake as all hell. (I want his money back! ;o)

We went and watched Brokenback Mountain and some Seinfeld episodes at his apartment (which he shared with his lesbian sister, for all my lady readers... pre-op or post... ;o)

It was comfortable. But then he told me that we should take it slow, and the text messages trickled down to nothing, and the interest was gone by a rather "platonic" lunch today. Hmm.

I'm trying not to be too phased by this. For some reason, a lot of sad gays have crossed my path recently. Many are young guys who are constantly lonely and horny and completely down on themselves. They reek. I probably do, too, but I'm trying to keep my corny-all-too-righteous-Christian-TV-show-wits about myself.

*William smiles, puts on more aftershave, and shakes magic-8 ball with feisty vigor*

:o)

William John.

Do I have it all wrong...?

2006-01-19T15:49:00.000+11:00

I was going through my undies drawer today and stumbled across a 1938 Australian shilling. If anyone knows how much this is worth, let me know. Personally, just by looking at the thing, I would harbor a guess of one shilling. But that's just me. Anyhow, besides the excavation of my personals drawer, life has been a bit meh recently.

I mean, when your Mother turns to you at random time intervals and says something to the effect of "you know, William... cocksucking isn't much fun. Those things are ugly" ... well, life just blows. But not to the point where I'd do anything to harm myself. My mind never really turns anything out of proportion. I still don't have a partner, though whenever a guy walks by wearing pink spandex shorts, I'll give him the once over. It's just courtesy. (just kidding, though... pink is sooooo last week ... :o)

I will always remain decent. If someone tells me where a beat is, I will quickly forget. There is never any fight going on in my mind of what is right and what is wrong, no matter how often people insist to me that they just need to release some of the "tension". Godamnit ... why the hell did we bother evolving from beasts? See... I was under the impression that being gay was all about collared shirts and fondue sets. Now I just don't know what to think....

:o)

William John.

Ruined...

2006-01-14T13:05:00.000+11:00

Yesterday I was forced to tell my Mother that I'm gay. There was no escaping it. She asked me dead out, and I couldn't nod my head any longer.

"Just let me know if I have something to deal with, or if there is nothing to worry about, William."

I apologized. "There is something you have to deal with, Mum."

She looked at me in disbelief. I wonder if she realized how often she'd repeated the question "Are you sure?"... but I seemed well enough aware of it.

We went to McDonalds and pondered the repurcussions over fast food... how come other people knew before she did? have i kissed anyone? do my sisters know? do i know i won't be able to have kids...? no family...? i won't carry on the family name...?

I just sat quietly and took it all in. It all seemed to go well enough. But then you sleep on something and I guess you worry a little more. Today I was greeted with tears.

"You've worked so hard, William. You've done everything right. You've stepped high up on the ladder. Now you're ruined what you've worked for. You've built yourself up just to let yourself down. It's like someone had spilt ink over your record."

That didn't make me feel too swell.

"You're still my boy and I still love you. Even though I still don't believe it."

I kissed her forehead and apologized again. "It will be okay, Mum. Things will work out."

But when I went to leave the house today she broke... "I'm the joke of the family," she said. I told her she wasn't and gave her a hug. Poor mum. I'm sorry. But things will work out... I'm sure of it.

My 12:12 AM drunken ramblings...

2005-09-11T00:06:00.000+10:00

I'm back home and drunk after going to my sister's bosses son's party. It is hard to type and I'm rather inappropriate and dizzy at this moment (and every wotrd iu have to spellchoeckl, expect tghesem , to prove my point... ) ....

So I best be off to sleep ... this is not the behaviour of a Honors student at all. Sigh...

Drunkeness is the best thing for me right now, as my brain is somewhat exhausted. Nighteo you Princes of Maine, you Kings of New England...

William John.
PS. This is the first time in years. I'm embarrassed in so many respects right now. :o